Lately I have been thinking about all the heart ache the girls in my class have experienced. I cannot believe the ups and downs some of these girls have gone through in just seven months, all at the expense of meaningless relationships, marriages that have been tossed away, endless one night stands with a constant parade of men and being the mistress to a married man. It makes me so sad.
I have been in the past few weeks how I keep my relationship strong, how I don't have sex and how I keep my relationship pure and wholesome. Here is my list of dos and don'ts when meeting men. I hope this helps!
Does he...
1. Respect you when you tell him you want to keep your relationship pure?
For me, I knew Troy and I would work out because he didn't laugh in my face when I told him on one of our early dates that I have no intention of sleeping with him (unless of course we got married first). Instead he agreed with me.
2. Care about your family?
I am Catholic, so I remember my Mom saying that she knew Troy was a good man when he would pray the Rosary with my family. But, it doesn't have to be prayer. Does he invest in getting to know your family, does he treat them well?
3. Look at you as if you are a princess?
You can tell by a man's eyes if he is looking at you lustfully or with awe, amazement and awareness of the dignity and respect you deserve. He should look at you like you're glass that might break, like your a prized jewel, like you truly are a princess.
4. Ask you about sex or push you to go just a little further?
If yes, stay AWAY!! Never let anyone make you uncomfortable or compromise your standards. At the end of the day you want to look in the mirror at yourself and be proud of what you stand for, not be disappointed because you've let someone talk you into something you never wanted.
5. Ask how you are?
You need to know he cares about you, as a person. He should ask how you are, listen when you tell him and he should want to solve all of your problems {even when he can't, he should desire to}.
6. Make you a better person?
It's important to be very aware of who you are with certain people. This goes for friends and boyfriends. Make sure you like the person you are when you are with him. Make sure when you are not with him you would still approve of who you become when you are with him. He should make you a better version of yourself, but not change you into someone you never wanted to be.
7. Make you smile?
This may seem silly, but it's a good point. You want to smile and enjoy one another. If he doesn't make you smile then chances are he'll make you sad (maybe not now, but in the long run). Of course, you won't smile all the time, but can he bring a smile out of you even when you feel miserable?
Pray together, attend Mass together, pray for each other. Pray is important for personal growth and it's definitely important for the growth of your relationship. If you build a foundation on God you cannot fail.
9. Fight for you?
Don't put him in the position to have to fight over you, but will he fight for you? If the world gets rough and you slip away, if everything crashes down and you push him away, will he fight? You never want to be in a relationship where both people aren't willing to fight. You can't have marriage without being willing to fight temptation, lust, hate, anger, frustration, sadness, depression, faithlessness, sorrow and grief for the sake of saving your relationship.
10. Love you?
There is a difference between needing someone and loving them. Especially for young people, often times the perceived need for a relationship is greater than the actual love you have for the other person. Be sure he loves you AND needs you. Be sure he loves you because you have faults, not because you are wonderful.
11. Forgive you?
Trust me, you'll mess up. Probably a million times you'll mess up. Does he forgive you for messing up? He should not only tells you he forgives you, but show up by not holding them against you in a future heated argument. Do the same for him.
12. Let you grow?
It's important when you are dating to be constantly discerning your relationship. Sometimes God calls you away for a time or forever. It's scary, but it's necessary to discern because once you are married you are 100% committed, until death does you part. You need a man who will let you grow because he knows the importance of discerning your relationship too.
God is love. The love in your relationship cannot be full or complete unless you both love God. It seems lots of time spiritual leadership falls in the women's shoulders. Don't let it. You both need to love God more, individually, than you love one another. And, then, and only then, will your love for one another reflect God's love of you.
Many blessings,
Emily xo
