Over Easter weekend I was at my grandparent's house. I am the oldest of over 30 first cousins on my Mom's side of the family, so there are always lots of little ones running around. While I was sitting at the table I overheard a conversation between my 14 year old cousin, her Mom, and our Aunt.
I wasn't eavesdropping, I promise.
At one point the conversation got a little louder, which is how I ended up over hearing it in the first place. My cousin was expressing her annoyance at her Mother. Annoyance which stemmed from her Mom not letting her drink at parties.
I tried not to let my mouth fall totally open (I was eating, so I am sure everyone around me was also grateful I was able to achieve this). Did I mention she is 14...in grade 9? When I was in grade 9 we went to my friend's house, walked to the near by store, bought a container of icing and ate it while sitting on the grass. We talked about boys, who we had never actually had a full conversation with, but we were hopelessly in love. We talked about upcoming school dances, because we genuinely enjoyed tearing up the dance floor with our ridiculous moves we called dancing. We laughed about the class clowns. We teased one another about crushes and our cheeks turned every shade of red when his name was mentioned. The most rebellious thing we did was stay up all night in my friend's living room, eating toast with honey. The only boy we saw was her older brother. And the only alcohol we saw was the beer bottles he piled into the trunk of his car.
Maybe I am dating myself...but really, how can grade 9 change so drastically in 6 years? This dear, sweet, beautiful young woman is the home to the little curly haired angel that used to beg me to play house with her or push her on swings. Who used to find every mud puddle on the face of the earth, with the constant company of my younger sisters. Who had big brown eyes that used to shine innocence and love. She's no little girl any more.
It breaks my heart, not that she is growing up, that is only natural, but that alcohol is a rite of passage in her mind. She wanted so badly to "just have one." at the parties her friends all went to. Her Mom had told her she couldn't go to parties until she was in grade 10...which is only 6 short months away. But, in her mind it was an unfair rule, and 6 months was a lifetime.
My aunt just said, "Oh honey, it changes you. Once you start into that you're aren't who you were. You're Mom is right." She is right. Although the drinking and partying didn't start in grade nine for my classmates, it did start. It began, and now, three years after we've graduated, it hasn't really stopped.
I am by no means 'anti-alcohol'. In moderation is can be a lovely treat. But, when you're fourteen, moderation isn't in your vocabulary, let alone your mind. Especially after that first sip.And, I think that after you start into the party and drinking scene, it's hard to get out. I have friends who dedicate every weekend to one party or another. And, it's fine if you go to see your friends, hang out, and have a drink. But when you wake up every Sunday with a hangover worse then the last, it's a difficult trap to get out of.
I have friends who are getting married now. I have friends who are in their third year of university, working so hard to kick start a career. I have friends who are expecting babies. And, I have people who were my very best friends in high school that I hardly see any more. Those are the people who have a hangover every weekend, and whose lives revolve around the next party. I am not saying they aren't successful. Some of the are. In fact, one graduates from school this spring. But, are they really growing up? I don't see them any more because I have a problem with their partying. I don't see them any more because we have no common ground, because when their weeks are consumed with building a successful future, and their weekends with consuming as much alcohol as possible, when is their time to sit and have a girl's night? When is there time to catch up and reclaim that common ground where we both found friendship once upon a time?
There isn't.
I know I am generalizing. But, from my experience, this whole party scene is a recipe for disaster. Brad Paisley's song, Alcohol, comes to mind. He makes light of it, and it's a comical song. But really, who wants to live their life like that? And, why in the world are we letting fourteen year olds think this okay? Why are we glorifying something which can cause so much pain?
Anyway, the point of this rant is that we need to find a balance. We need to find that spot where alcohol can be enjoyed without destroying. We need these sweet young ladies and gentleman to understand that alcohol is not needed for their to be fun, and we need to teach them ways to have fun without relying on substance. And, we need to show them that 'cool' and 'grown-up' don't mean alcohol. Isn't there something better that they could see as their rite of passage into an adult world? Maybe when they're, say, twenty? Haha!
Please join me in praying for these young people. They so badly need a revival.
St. Maria Goretti, St. Aloysius, St. Valentine, St. Philomena- Pray for them!
-Emily xo
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