A few days ago I read a blog post, written by some 22 year old woman who thinks she has the answers to solving divorce rates....
Her post, maybe you also saw it, was a list of 23 things to do before the age of 23, instead of getting married. When I noticed the title of her post I was intrigued. I wondered why someone would make a list of things to do instead of getting married. As if life and marriage are two separate things that we have to choose between. So, I read her post, intrigued by what this stranger had to say about what I should do with my life in the next year.
In a month I will turn 22 years old. Up to this point in my life I have traveled to the Dominican Republic for the most beautiful, life changing experience I have ever had. I have completed high school, and have 4 months left until I graduate from college. I have moved across the country, away from my family, where I lived and volunteered for a year and met some of my best friends. I have fallen in love with my very best friend, and we plan on getting married. I have healed the relationships with my siblings and have become real friends with my sisters and brothers. I have stood next to my aunt on the day of her wedding, and watched her husband's face light up. I have held 2 sweet baby boys on the day they were baptized and I am so thankful I have the honour of being their Godmother. I have had the awful experience of finding out my best friend had been hurt and violated, and I am thankful she allowed me to be her shoulder as we worked through her healing process for two years. I have driven from Ontario to Alberta, and got to see the wonder of Lake Superior. I have splashed in the icy waves of the Atlantic Ocean and seen the splendor of God' creation as we explored the Hopewell Rocks. I have seen the beauty of the sun rising over the mountains that the stunning springtime in Vancouver. I have seen the great ships on the Pacific Ocean. And, I have found a full, deep and satisfying relationship with my King.
When I take inventory of my life over the last 22 years I am thankful and I am satisfied.
I think this article that this young woman wrote was sad. It wasn't a list of things she's thrilled to have accomplished, or that she is thankful for. It's a list of emptiness. Standing naked in front of a window and making out with a stranger are not things you will look back on and remember with happiness. They are not life-altering, profound moments that will make you search your soul. They will not make you a better, more well rounded person. They will make you empty. They will make your soul yearn for something greater. They will not be memories of happiness, but regretted mistakes.
As sad as this post was, I realized something...this girl wasn't all wrong. There are things you should do before getting married. Being married young, at 23, isn't for everyone. Heck, some people won't meet the person they'll marry until they're much older than 23. But, I think that there is a list of things to do, for your entire life, so you are ready, totally and completely, to walk down the aisle at whatever age God calls you to. I believe age is irrelevant.
Here is my list of things to do before you get married...
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Know who God is. This starts at childhood, if you're lucky. Before you are prepared to walk down the aisle you need to know God. God is love. I know, you probably heard that a million times. But, say it out loud. God is love. The very definition of God is love and we cannot love ourselves or another person until we know what love is.
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Define love. Once you know that God is love, and you know what God's love looks like then you need to define love. For you, what does mimicking God's love look like. Here's an example- my definition of love is willing the total good for the soul of another. What's yours?
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Know who you are. I don't mean have a vague idea. I mean really know. Know God, and ask Him to show you who you are, ask Him to reveal to you who He created you to be. This is a life journey. You will constantly be discovering who you are. But, know who you are, right now, in this moment.
These things will take you more time than going to the Philippines for the Chinese New Year. For some people forming these things begins in early childhood. For others, discovering who God is won't even begin until they're 25. It's individual. It's not for you to decide what the standard is for what we should and should not do when we're 23... Life's too short to define it with silly things. Get your soul to Heaven...get the soul of each person you love to Heaven. Don't worry about the rest.
I am so afraid young women around the world will read that blog post and they will look at their lives and be unsatisfied. Define your life by precious moments, not by how rebellious you've been or how many boys you've kissed.
God bless you!
Emily xo
