So Long, Facebook

I deleted my Facebook account. Yup. A few weeks ago.

Annnnd...literally within minutes people asked me where I had gone, as if my not having Facebook was the equivalent of me actually dying. Sigh. Social media. Anyway, I wanted to talk a little bit about why I deleted my Facebook, because if truth be told, I love Facebook. I am nosy. I will just go ahead and admit that.

This is not the first time I have deactivated my account. In fact, when I served my year on NET one of the things they requested is that we not have Facebook. That whole year my account was down, and I missed it and activated it as soon as I got home. Can you say addict?

I have also deactivated it for Lent, two different years I think. Which was so hard and a huge sacrifice for me. And, I also deactivated it once like a year ago. That was when, as I mentioned in a previous post, I spoke out about gay marriage and everyone went absolutely nuts on Facebook. That deactivation was so I would quit getting notifications for a bit. I was literally getting about 25 a minute of people responding (negatively) to what I had posted. That time it was just maybe for a day.

There are two main reasons I deleted Facebook this time. One is nosiness and jealousy and two is self-control.

Let's talk jealousy for a moment, shall we? As I said, I am nosy. I like to know what everyone else is doing, and what their life is like. Facebook is literally perfect for this. Nosiness is not something I like about myself, but for the most part is seemed harmless. I told myself I was just keeping up with my friends and what not, but that was a lie. What I was really doing was hurting my heart, soul and relationships.

I would see posts on Facebook about my friend's lives and I would long for that. People post only things they want people to know about on Facebook. That is the reality. People's lives aren't actually how they are portrayed on Facebook. But, when I saw posts of friend's massive homes, or their 'perfect' boyfriend who brings them flowers everyday, or of their fairytale weddings that they can afford when they are 20 or their trip to Europe where they were on a beach in a bikini without a single fat role, I was comparing myself and my life.

I convinced myself I wasn't jealous exactly and that I was just admiring. But that was a lie too. I was comparing everything and I hated myself and my life because it didn't seem as glamorous or perfect as my family and friends.

One night I was lying on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I was literally at the point where I despised the way I looked, was angry at my boyfriend because we can't afford the wedding we feel we need to have right now. I was so pissed off at myself and at God because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I felt I had to have a career. Of course there were and are other factors in the way I was feeling, but when I really thought about it a lot of it stemmed from one thing. Facebook. I marched myself down the stairs to the computer and promptly deactivated my account. I immediately regretted it, but held firm in my decision, telling myself I just need to see how it went.

It felt totally liberating. I am not saying I hate Facebook, or that the way I responded to it will be the same for everyone. I am just telling you that it was what I needed right then. Someday I may have Facebook again, because it really is good for keeping in touch. But, I need to grow a little before I can do that, and I need to find confidence in me and my life. I need to be at peace.

The second reason kind of ties into the last part of the first. Self-control. About 2 months ago I quit eating sugar. Partly to be more healthy, but mostly because it as an exercise in self-control and I needed to know that I could do it. So, getting rid of Facebook is kind of the same thing for me. It is just knowing that I can get rid of it and live without it. That, in and of itself, is so liberating!

I truly believe that if we can discipline ourselves in the small things it makes saying 'no' to the bigger things easier. We increase our self-control in all things when we start with the baby steps. That is what deleting Facebook was for me, a baby step.

I stumbled across this blog post after I deleted Facebook. It's neat take on quitting Facebook also, so check it out.

So long, Facebook!

-Emily xo