A History of the Walls

A few weeks ago a house burnt down. It was late at night and my sister woke me to show me the orange flames that lit up the black sky. Panic is my first instinct. But, we soon learned it was an abandoned house, and the entire thing burnt to the ground that night.

I am thankful the house was abandoned and that no one lost their home that night, and that no one was hurt. But, it was kind of sad at the same time. Because, at one point that was someone's home.

I love old things...I know this sounds silly, but I do. I love elderly people and find them fascinating to speak to. I love to listen to their stories, even when their memory fails them. I love how the look at me with eyes that have been clouded with passing time. I love how the call me dear and hold my hand while I talk to them. I love the wrinkles that are on their face and on their hands because it means they have lived a life that may have not been easy, but was worth it.

I love antique things. I love the history that is told in every scratch and scrape along a tabletop. I love the imperfections in the make of an old chair that means it was made at home, with hours of labour. I love the way antique stores smell and the people who own them. I love that if the furniture could speak they could tell me stories of babies being born, or children with a hurt knee and the Momma who kissed it better. They could tell me of the smell of the kitchen while bread was baking and about the hands of the farmer who guided the plough.

I love old houses. We have a lot of these where I live. Big, old farm houses that are stunning. I love how these houses were made to withstand the tests of time. I love how the floors are crooked, and the stairs are steep. I love how the windows make the world look like you are looking through a fun house mirror, and how the pains rattle when there is a storm. And, I love the stories the walls could tell if they could speak.

Imagine...

Think of all the memories you have with your own family. Imagine what the walls could tell you about everything they have seen in the last 200 years, and of the families who were raised there. They could tell you about the people who walked through the doorway and about the laughter that filled the home. The could tell you about the support the offered when men and woman leaned against them as they gave way to sorrowful tears. They could tell me about babies that were rocked to sleep and that grew up into handsome young men. They could tell me about young ladies dressing in an upstairs bedroom in a beautiful wedding gown. And about how all the crops died one year, and there wasn't enough food on the table. They could tell me stories of love, sorrow and joy; of family, friendship and romance; of laughter, tears and hiccups. Wouldn't that be neat??

I love the memories, stories and history that is held within an elderly person or an old home. It is a beautiful legacy of life and death and one that should be treasured.

-Emily xo

Corpus Christi

Happy Feast of Corpus Christi! 

"In a world where there is so much noise, so much bewilderment, there is a need for silent adoration of Jesus concealed in the Host. Be assiduous in the prayer of adoration and teach it to the faithful. It is a source of comfort and light, praticularily to those who are suffering. With the Synod Assembly, therefore I heartily recommend to the Church's pastors and to the People of God the practice of Eucharistic Adoration, both individually and in community."

-Pope Benedict XVI, February 22, 2007, Sacramentum Caritatis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation 

-Emily xo

A Crappy Girlfriend? Sigh...

I am not going to lie...I am usually a fairly crappy girlfriend. I love my boyfriend more then I can tell you (or him), and I love that he loves me. I treasure our relationship, and pray that if this is God's will, I will have him forever and we will have our happily ever after.

Buuuuttt...I suck at loving him. I know how he feels the most loved, and I know the things he enjoys and what makes him happy. But, I seem to never ever do any of them, or let him do what he enjoys. Thank heavens he loves me despite all that!

I decided to make a list, mostly for myself, of ten ways I can better love my boyfriend. Keep in mind, these are ways to love him and keep our relationship pure, holy and Christ-centred. Maybe they'll help you too.

1. Pray for him and with him. Often and Always.
This will keep both of us centred on the most important things in life, and we will find a love that is extraordinary when we start doing this.

2. Let him be affectionate.
I do not receive or give love through physical touch of any kind. Hand holding, snuggling, etc. usually drives me crazy. I mean, sometimes I am okay with it, and other times I can tolerate it, but a lot of times it makes me cringe. But, I recognize that that is how he feels loved and shows me he loves me, so sometimes I need to be a bit affectionate and allow him to be affectionate towards me.

3. Make him food.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. They are not lying. It's true. I love baking and cooking, but I rarely make the time to make him a meal or bake for him. I know he loves when I do, so I need to try to make this a priority.

4. Treasure and value him. Hang onto his every word.
I know that he likes when I take the time to sit there and actually listen to what he says. Sometimes, when he is talking about work (he's an electrician) or other guy type things I totally zone out. I find it hard to listen intently when I don't fully understand what he is talking about.
I have realized though, that is doesn't matter if I understand what he's talking about or not. I just need to sit there and listen to him and ask questions. He is taking the time to tell me, so it is important to him and I need to respect that.

5. Do what he enjoys and don't complain.
There are things that my boyfriend enjoys that I have had a really difficult time warming up to. He loves to hunt. I was (and still kind of am) terrified of guns. It is mostly about the loud noise they make. It has taken me a very long time to take even the slightest interest in hunting. But, you know what, I actually kind of enjoy it now. It has been the same with fishing. But I know he loves that I can enjoy these things and that he knows he has a companion in me. That has made it worth every second.

6. Let things go.
I can be very grouchy. Thank heavens he's a patient man! I have a tendency to bring up old issues when I get grouchy. This is sooooo bad! I need to let things go and accept that he is not perfect (but he's darn close). He is allowed to mess up and hurt my feelings by accident once in awhile, and I need to learn to take care of the situation as it happens and forgive and move on.

7. Stop comparing him.
I am a sucker for Romantic Comedies. I love me a good, sappy love story. But, I have to limit myself because the men in those stories are not real and I cannot be comparing my relationship to those. That is so unfair!

8. Ask and value his opinion. About everything.
This is something I think I am getting better at. I need to let him know that I trust our relationship is in his hands and that I trust him to make good decisions for us. I am not saying I cannot have a mind of my own, but he deserves to be asked when there is a decision to be made. Not only that, but his opinion deserves serious consideration. Don't just ask for the sake of asking.

9. Surprise him.
He has told me that he loves when I surprise him. Not with big things or a party, but just if I stop by unexpectedly. I need to remember that he is important, and I can make time in my schedule to stop by his work with breakfast or just for the sake of saying hello.

10. Really date him.
I need to date my boyfriend. He is not to be taken for granted, and I need to remember that. I need to always be fully present when I am with him, and really, really date him!

I hope these maybe help you in your relationships! And, let's all pray that we can treasure the relationships in our lives!

Many blessings,

Emily xo

Sex Before Marriage: Why or Why Not?

This is a touchy subject, I am well aware of that. But, it is also one that I feel is worthy of discussion. This isn't so much about having sex before marriage as it is about when sex has a place and when it doesn't.

Society often portrays the start of a relationship as when you first have sex.We see that in movies all the time. It is after the couple has sex that they become serious and exclusive. I believe that is so wrong, but I also believe that it is societyies way of trying to make right of something that is morally wrong.

Often times Christians will say how terrible it is that society places so little value in sex, and that young men and women often have so many partners before settling down. I agree with that. However, I think that, although there are tons and tons of one night stands, often times serious and exclusive relationships only begin once two people have had sex. That is because their innermost being is calling out in that moment, and they feel a need for the commitment that accompanies that act. Subconsciously, they realize the error in their ways and are striving to make it right by making some sort of commitment to that person, even if it is only for a couple of days, a month or a year.We are trying to make right of something we know, intrinsicly, is wrong.

This is the truth. Yes, that is deep and profound, so get ready!

Marriage is always before sex. Marriage is the commitment of forever. It is promising your entire self to someone for as long as you live. Til death do us part. Sex is like a binding agent. It is like glue. It solidifies something that is already strong, and it deepens the bond between two people. That is why it is so incredibly heart breaking when it is done outside of a commitment as serious as marriage.

Sex is absolutely beautiful.

It is a wonderful gift that we need to treasure. There is nothing dirty or sinful or evil about sex. That comes when sex (like any gift) is used incorrectly. It should be something we defend and guard, for our sake as much as for the person we will one day marry (whom the gift was originally intended for). The bond that is sex cannot be separated from the act. You cannot have sex without a deep, irreplaceable bond, and you cannot have that same bond without having sex.

That last part is where people so often get lost and confused. Our very beings, right to our core, desire sex. That is a good thing. But a thing to be mastered. I am not married, but I am in a relationship, and have been for over 4 years. I love him with every fibre of my being, and I would be lying if I told you that I didn't want the bond with him that comes with sex. However, I am also aware that there is the slightest possibility God will call me to something different before we get married (this could happen even after you are engaged!!), so I don't want to form that bond, only to have it ripped from me. Break ups are heartbreaking enough without adding the tearing of an everlasting bond created during sex.

People often so badly want to solidify their relationship, and feel that deep bond with the one they love that they decide sex is the only way for that. And they are right, sex is the only way for that, but not right now. There is a time and a place for everything, and I promise you that the time for sex is when you are married.

There are phases in every relationship, and if you have ever dated anyone for any length of time you know what I mean. There is a honeymoon type phase in the early days, where everything is butterflies. Eventually that passes, and you may notice things that bother you about the other person and you'll have your first couple fight. Sometimes that is the breaking part for couples. But, if you get through that then you know there will be a time for strengthening and deepening of the relationship as you get to know this person more and more. As each phase passes and another comes along (this happens throughout your whole life, I just touched on a couple) you see your relationship change, flourish, grow, deepen and strengthen. Sometimes, somewhere in there you are called apart, and sometimes you are challenged to go further. In all of it there is a purpose. All of this is part of the journey of falling in love with a person. Once you've made the decision to marry this person, the growth does not stop at the engagement ring. Often times the engagement is the most temptation filled, and trying time (up to this point) in your relationship, and so you must persevere through that as well. Eventually, when you marry this person, that is when you are ready to make a commitment that is everlasting, and that is the place for sex.

To have sex before this point would mess up the natural progress of your relationship and add undo stress, pressure and confusion. Sex is a joining of the body, mind and soul, and belongs only after the sacrament of marriage has been received! That is when it is able to be experienced in it's full glory. Then, and only then.

I encourage all of you to wait. I cannot tell you from experience, but I can tell you from truth...It will be worth it!

Many prayers,

Emily xo

St. Maria Goretti, pray for us!

Why I Refuse 'Tolerance'

Merriam-Webster Definition of:

Tol-er-ance  noun

2 a: sympathy or indulgence for belief or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own
   b: the act of allowing something

Examples of tolerance
-a tolerance for other lifestyles

We live in a world where the only virtue we are permitted to teach our children is tolerance. And, not tolerance as in the above definition of the word, but tolerance as in accepting and not judging the lifestyles, beliefs, opinions and decisions of anyone else. Our society thinks that tolerance means we will live in a peaceful world, where no one bothers anyone else, under the banner of, "whatever works for them is fine, but I choose (fill in lifestyle or belief here)."

That is not what tolerance is. Tolerance is acknowledging that what someone is doing is in fact wrong and putting up with it to avoid further conflict. We do not tolerate things we love or things we approve of...like puppies, or nice days or children. We tolerate things we object to, like an obnoxious co-worker or a head ache or an annoying student. Tolerating those things does not mean we do not deal with them, it just means we put up with them. It does not mean we don't expect more from those people, and we encourage them to act in the way they are. We choose to address it in a respectful and tactful manner.

So, this is why I am objecting to tolerance. I refuse to 'tolerate' (societies meaning of the word) gay marriage, pre-marital or extra-marital sex, and thousands of other morally incorrect things. Today, I want to specifically speak about Gay 'Marriage' and why I refuse tolerance.

About a year or so ago I posted something on my Facebook page about the traditional and right marriage. That is, marriage between one man and one woman only. The feedback I received was appalling  And, keep in mind, this feedback is coming from people I have personal relationships with-family and friends. I could not believe how aggressive people got. One young woman I went to school with even went as far as to say that if I expressed these views publicly in society then I should be prepared for violence and even death. WHAT? Are you kidding me? I should be afraid of someone killing me because I believe in marriage?

But, that's what our world has come to. See, these people (most of whom are Catholic, by the way) who so adamantly agreed that I was being intolerant, disrespectful and judgemental honestly wished death on me. They didn't care what I believe and know to be true, or why I believe it. All they saw was that I was not living up to societies standard of being tolerant of other's lives, no matter what how they live or the decisions they make.

We don't have to accept the things that other people do that are wrong. We don't have to pretend that it is okay with us and that we don't care. We don't accept that a child got beat up on the playground because that is wrong. As Catholics, we believe gay marriage doesn't even exist. It is not a marriage or union of any kind, and if a gay couple choose to live out their lives as such, then it is a sin. Plain and simple. We are not inflicting our beliefs on society by believing that, and we are not at all being intolerant. What we are doing is speaking truth.

I am not saying we need to go about condemning gay couples. Of course we can't do that, because that to is a sin. However, we cannot go about pretending that their lifestyle is fine because it works for them. That too is a sin. Sin impacts the whole of society, even if we cannot see the surface of it. And, our goal, as Catholics, is to be evangelists by our mere existence  and we are not doing that by stooping to societies lie that, 'if it works for you, it's okay with me.'

We need to love gay couples, and show them Christ in that love. We need to care for them and teach them and lead them. We need to not pass judgement, nor encourage them and we definitely don't need to 'tolerate' the way they live! We just need to love them, despite their flaws, sins and imperfections. Love like Jesus loves, because, in reality, we have sins as deep as theirs that just may not be as obvious to the whole world.

I could go on and on about this. But, I challenge all of you to protect marriage in it's true & purest form. Never, ever settle or accept anything less. You are not being judgemental or cruel and you most certainly aren't wrong. Be totally, 100% convicted in what you believe, and share that by how you live out your life. Do not be ashamed for refusing to accept what society thinks in correct, and always speak truth.

Always keep in mind what John 15:18-25 says,

"If the world hates you, just remember that it has hated me first. If you belonged to the world, then the world would love you as its own. But I chose you from this world, and you do not belong to it; that is why the world hates you. Rememeber what I told you: 'Slaves are not greater than their master.' If people persecuted me, they will persecute you too; if they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours too. But they will do all this to you because you are mine; for they do not know the one who sent me. They would not have been guilty of sin id I had not come and spoken to them, as it is, they no longer have an excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also. They would not have been guilty of sin if I had not done amounf then the things that no one else ever did, as it is, they have seen what I did, and they hate both me and my Father. This, however, was bound to happen so that what is written in their Law may come true, 'They hated me for no reason at all.'"

Blessings,
Emily xo

A Cup of Coffee, a Giant Mess, Spilt Milk...and a Silly Little Pity Party

Do you ever have one of the phases or stages in your life when everything seems wrong? If you have, you know exactly what I am talking about.

It is one of those times when there seems to be a pile of little, painful things. Like a hundred teeny thorns in your side. Lately, I have been in one of those stages. I am not writing this to complain, although I have been doing a lot of that lately (and I am sooo not proud of that). I am writing this because I think I need to know I am not alone in feeling this way. I am not looking for a pity party...Heaven knows I do not need that. I am not looking for sympathy, although that sounds mighty appealing. I am looking for fellowship and to be able to help, even one person who may read this.

I know things have really not been that bad for me. I mean, I have a home, people who love me, food to eat, a car to drive and a job. I have everything I need. But, that does not mean I am above feeling a little down in the dumps lately. No huge, earth shattering tragedy has turned my life upside down, and for that I am entirely grateful. But, it has seemed that, lately, nothing is going right. Or, at least not the way I want it. All these little things, that on there own seem like tiny life hurtles, have come all at once. And, I have been left in the dust, feeling just a little overwhelmed, sad and, I am ashamed to admit it, but very sorry for myself.

There has been a lot of crying...over spilt milk and other equally ridiculous things.

The other day, over a cup of coffee, I was talking to my Momma. She's a wise woman when I let her be. I was crying (which I don't allow myself do in front of others very often) and sputtering about how things just seemed to be going wrong, and I was just so unhappy and I couldn't figure out what I am supposed to be doing or where I am going. I told her how incredibly frustrated I am because I have been praying and praying and seem to be getting no answer. I was just fed up.

She comforted me, and gave me some advice and words to ponder. But I think the greatest gift she gave me in that moment was just letting me hurt...She didn't try to fix it or explain it, but she just let me cry and hurt and see the mess. She wasn't promoting a pity party or anything, but she just let me lay the mess out there and cry for a few minutes until I was ready to smile again. Of course it wasn't like she waved a magic wand and I felt better, suddenly. But, she let me show her the messiness that was inside me. She let me show her the deepest, most painful, most hurt and scarred, most broken and most shameful parts of me. She let me be me. Totally, wholly and without judgement.

And, that is the most awesome gift she could have given me in that moment. I struggle so much with opening myself up so deeply, so by letting me show her the messy bits, she gave me the confidence I needed to be able to share that with other people in my life, and with all of you. By being able to do that, she has given this gift a thousand times over. She has given me the freedom I needed to show my messiness so I, and those in my life, can somehow discover the message hidden beneath all the layers of filth and grit. She let me be okay with being me, messy parts and all.

That is the most beautiful gift.

Thank you, Momma. I certainly hope I can find the message in this darkness.

-Emily xo

A Message in the Mess?

Last night, on my drive home, I was listening to a local Christian radio station. There was a speaker on there (who's name I do not know) talking to the host about Motherhood, and just womanhood in general. She spoke of some profound things that I thought were worth discussing.

The point of what she was discussing was basically that, as women, we are constantly comparing ourselves. She was speaking of motherhood, in particular, but it is something true of most every woman. One thing that really stuck out to me is when she said that, as a young mother, comparing herself was something she was having a very difficult time with and a friend said to her,

'Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides.'

How true is that? I am not a mother, but I am a woman, and I try so hard not to compare myself to others, yet I always seem to be. I am not the type of person who likes to share my 'insides'. I hate people knowing that there may be even the slightest imperfection in my relationships, in my family, in my life in general. I am always putting on a face to cover my own messes. And, I know I am not the only woman to do this. So, if all the woman I am comparing my broken insides to are doing the same thing I do, then what an unfair comparison! I mean, I know,  in my heart, that people's lives are never perfect, and there are always things going on behind closed doors, but in that moment of comparison that doesn't seem to matter, or hold a candle to their seemingly perfect outside.

This woman also was speaking of her own experiences of sharing the brokenness in her life with those around her. Just the thought of being so brutally honest, even with my closest friends, terrifies me. However, she made a very good point.

If we, as Christians. put on this fake perfect life we scare people away. We may think that we are showing non-Christians what a beautiful life God gives us for following Him, but we are in fact doing the opposite. We intimidate people by this 'perfect' life, and they feel inadequate next to us because all they are able to see is their own failure and brokenness.

Is this making sense?

Anyway, by sharing our imperfection (& I am not saying you have to share specifics, but just the overall struggles) we encourage people to see us as their peers and not as holier-then-thou. We encourage people to come forward, share their own brokenness and open their hearts. When someone opens their heart, that is where God does his best work. So, we need to allow God to use us and our imperfection and brokenness as an instrument to reach those around us. And, most importantly, reach them in the midst of their brokenness, not in their perfection.

So, we need to find the message within our own mess, and allow others to see our mess and see the message. Don't be afraid of letting things get a little messy...it is in those moments where we grow the most.

Here's to sharing our messes,

Emily xo