The Privilege of Womanhood-Being A Mother

Motherhood is an amazing gift! And, one given specifically to women. Clearly, I am not a mother, so my knowledge of this particular subject may be somewhat limited. However, I have a mother, and I have seen my Mother throughout numerous pregnancies. I feel I do have a wee bit of insight into this privilege.

First of all, pregnancy. I have heard several women complain about the strains & sorrows associated with being pregnant. And, I have no doubt that it is not all roses & butterflies. Trust me, I have seen my Mother make a beeline to the bathroom, mid-meal, in those early months (& sometimes later months, as well) of pregnancy. Nothing about that screams, "It's a blast!"

However, I am a glass half full kind of gal. While I acknowledge the sometimes awful side effects of pregnancy, I refuse to define pregnancy by them. I think that there are far too many lovely things about those first 9 months of motherhood to get caught up in the sickness, exhaustion, and uncomfortable-ness of it all.

First of all-YOU ARE GROWING ANOTHER PERSON. How phenomenal is that? Your body is housing, nourishing & comforting a tiny little person, conceived (hopefully) out of pure, honest & wholesome love. For me, that in & of itself is enough to convince me of the privilege of motherhood. I do realize though, that is not enough for some.

How about getting to feel this little one grow & develop. I remember being at ultrasounds with my Mom and hearing the baby's heartbeat! What an incredible gift! And, placing my hand on my Mom's stomach while the little one pushed a fist or foot against my hand. Nothing beats that. Seriously.

Now, this part I have no real experience with, as I have never actually had a baby. So, I am relaying on the information from my Mom, aunts, friends and grandmothers. Labour is probably the most painful thing you'll ever endure, I do not doubt that. But, I do marvel at how truly amazing it is that our bodies are designed in such a way that this is possible. Really though, it is amazing that our bodies can endure such extreme pain, push with such force, and in a matters of hours, present the world with a crying little infant. 

And, I am told that the memory of how extreme the labour pain is, leaves within moments of giving birth. I am not saying you totally forget about the pain...I mean you have the cuts, blood & stretch marks to remind you. However, our brains are programmed in such a way that we do not remember the severity of the pain. (I mean, if we did, no one would have more then 1 child).

It just amazes me how our baby & our bodies tell us exactly what to do, and essentially, prepare for the delivery of this child by themselves. It really is incredible. 

And, once you old that new little one in your arms, how could you regret even one second?

How stinking cute?!

Okay, and lastly, the privilege of Motherhood as your children grow. There is no denying that being a Mom is a lot of work. Heck, I put my Mom through the ringer! However, I have never heard a Mother say she wished she was anything else. No one else gets those quiet, middle of the night nursings. Yes, you may be exhausted and wish your baby would just sleep, but you're the only one who can bond with them this way, and you're the one they need. That is a wonderful reality, despite the nagging exhaustion.

And, you get to be there are they grow up and experience new things. No one gets to experience them quite the same way a mother does. You & that child have a bond that begins 9 months before they bonded with any other human being in their life. The relationship you have with your child will be totally different then any relationship they have with their Father, with their siblings or with their friends. You really did love them first, and they loved you first. 

So, remember that you really are privileged as a Mother. Yes, even when your child climbs into your bed or wakes you with their cries in the middle of the night. Yes, even when they throw a tantrum in the middle of Wal-Mart (sorry Mom). Yes, even when they make you want to pull your hair out as a crazy teenager. 

You are privileged, even then.

Emily xo

Large Family Don't Care-Part 2

As promised, here is part two.

This post will focus on the benefits of a large family, and why they are important, not only to the members of the family, but to society as a whole.

1. Being part of a large family never allows for boredom. There is always something to be done. And, if you do have a moment of down time then there are things you truly want to do...like read a good book, watch a show, write a letter, surf the internet. And, you really enjoy whatever you are doing during that downtime.

2. I am never lonely. There is always someone to talk to or hang out with. And, on the very rare occasion there isn't then you embrace the peacefulness of the moment!

3. Someone always has your back. Just last week my sister told me that our brother stood up to a young man that said some very rude things to her. He has her back. It's like having built in body guards.

4. Outfit opportunities are endless. Boys may not appreciate this, but girls sure do! When you have sisters who are close to your size you can share clothes and shoes and it's great!

5. You have a built in, brutally honest opinion panel. Siblings don't tend to sugar coat things. If you want to know how an outfits looks and get a 100% honest answer, ask the 10 year old boy.

6. It is fabulous relationship discernment. When I began dating my boyfriend I wanted someone who would not only love me, but my family. Someone who understood dating with purpose (meaning, discernment of marriage) and who was good with children. A man who was faithful and not afraid to pray. Having a large family allowed for me to see how wonderful he is with children, and how he was not afraid to pray the rosary with my family after dinner when he was over.

7. Large families help you learn about life. Having the 'talk' isn't nearly as bad when you can look around and see the product of it (meaning children). It helps you be better able to embrace the fact that sex is a beautiful thing and nothing to be ashamed of. And, it helps you understand why it belongs only within a marriage.
Bonding and babies people! Bonding and Babies!

8. You have built in friends who cannot abandon you, even if they want to! Muhahahha! Seriously though, I remember going through losing friends and growing apart from friends. It is hard and it stinks. But, knowing I had my sisters at home who would never do that to me was a huge source of comfort.

9. You learn and understand about the opposite sex. Having brothers is fantastic. Because, I am able to understand how their minds work, how to best relate to them, and what they enjoy. This is something I can apply in every aspect of my life when I encounter males in the workplace, school, etc.

10. I never have to question love. I know what love is because I see it active and alive in my parents and siblings. I know what a marriage is supposed to look like, and I know how to love those around me, even when I hate them.
This is the greatest gift.

Go have yourself some big families!!

-Emily xox

Large Family Don't Care- Part 1

When I was in grade nine my Mom told us that she was expecting her 8th child. I rememeber being over the moon excited for this little one, until one day someone said something that totally crushed my spirits.

My Mom had given up permission to finally tell our friends and classmates. One of my peers, whose locker was near mine, overheard me telling another one of my friends the big news. She turned to face me and said one word that nearly made me want to hit her.

"Why?"

My stomach dropped. This girl (who was an only child, by the way) had never met any other member of my family. She didn't know anything about us and here she was, passing judgement because of my number of siblings. A baby should be a source of joy. Always. But, this young lady could not see how having another child in our home would be anything but a burden. 

I think why this moment sticks out in my memory so much is that is was the first time I had experienced any reaction, other then joy, when I spoke about my siblings. Since then I have heard it all. But, when I was 14, this was all new to me. It shocked and appalled me. It still does, actually. 

I am going to do a 2-part post about this. This is part one, and I am going to tell you things I have heard from people when they ask how many siblings I have, and why it angers me. Part 2 will focus on why a big family isn't burdensome or awful, and my opinion on all of this. Keep in mind, I live in a very small town, so I am sure what people have said to me is fairly mild compared to what I would hear in a larger centre. Also keep in mind I am a Catholic, and large families are not uncommon, especially in the Catholic community where I live. 

Here we go... 

-please note the sarcasm in the responses-

"Do your parent's  not own a TV?"

- Okay, yes as a matter of fact we do have a TV. However, what does this matter? Are you saying my parent's should watch TV instead of procreating? Yes? Ok, well let me put it this way...I am pretty darn sure that if more married couples used sex for 'bonding and babies' then divorce would be decreasing like crazy! 

TV is not a replacement for sex. My parent's are not having sex and making me more siblings because they are bored and don't want to watch TV it is because the genuinely love one another, and our family.

Grrrr....

"Have they never heard of birth control?"

-Birth control? What is that?

Seriously, of course they have heard of birth control.... I am pretty sure if you asked a kindergarten class that they would say they'd heard of it. How could you not?

But, I think what you really mean is do they use birth control. And, that answer is no. Of course not. Neither would you if you did any amount of serious research on it. They do however use NFP. Which, by the way, is 95-99% effective, depending on the method you choose to use. And, they do not pump you full of nasty hormones and unnatural ingredients or objects. 

"Is your Mom pregnant again yet?"

-Actually no, sorry to disappoint. She and my father have actually decided to stop having children because of you response when she is pregnant. But, I will tell her you were asking in case this means you'd actually give your approval of her having another baby.

"Why would you want your Mom to have more children?"

Silly. I clearly want more children because I love never having my own room. Or, even my own bed. And, I love having to fight over who uses to car. Oh, did I mention I love having built in clothes thieves? 

Seriously though, how many children my parent's have is not actually up to me (and it's for sure not up to you). If I didn't want more siblings (which I do, by the way) that really doesn't matter. This decision belongs to my parents.

And, if you have ever had siblings then you know that they come with trials and hardships...but they also come with irreplaceable blessings. For example, I am never, ever lonely. Or bored. My sister has a massive closet, and I have access to outfits I wouldn't otherwise own. I get more opinions on everything I do then I know what to do with. I could look at that as a burden, or a blessing. But, it is nice to know someone (or 10 someones) is always looking out for my best interests. 

I could go on and on.

But mostly, I just love babies:)

I have heard many, many more things.... but here is just a taste of what I have been exposed to. Of course there have been tons of wonderful, happy responses and for those I am thankful. But, what stands out more are the ones that hurt my heart. I also figured they were worth mentioning because maybe some of you have been on the delivering end of comments like these, and maybe now you can appreciate how it feels from here on the receiving end.

So, embrace large families. I mean, after all, they are creating your future.

-Emily xo

A History of the Walls

A few weeks ago a house burnt down. It was late at night and my sister woke me to show me the orange flames that lit up the black sky. Panic is my first instinct. But, we soon learned it was an abandoned house, and the entire thing burnt to the ground that night.

I am thankful the house was abandoned and that no one lost their home that night, and that no one was hurt. But, it was kind of sad at the same time. Because, at one point that was someone's home.

I love old things...I know this sounds silly, but I do. I love elderly people and find them fascinating to speak to. I love to listen to their stories, even when their memory fails them. I love how the look at me with eyes that have been clouded with passing time. I love how the call me dear and hold my hand while I talk to them. I love the wrinkles that are on their face and on their hands because it means they have lived a life that may have not been easy, but was worth it.

I love antique things. I love the history that is told in every scratch and scrape along a tabletop. I love the imperfections in the make of an old chair that means it was made at home, with hours of labour. I love the way antique stores smell and the people who own them. I love that if the furniture could speak they could tell me stories of babies being born, or children with a hurt knee and the Momma who kissed it better. They could tell me of the smell of the kitchen while bread was baking and about the hands of the farmer who guided the plough.

I love old houses. We have a lot of these where I live. Big, old farm houses that are stunning. I love how these houses were made to withstand the tests of time. I love how the floors are crooked, and the stairs are steep. I love how the windows make the world look like you are looking through a fun house mirror, and how the pains rattle when there is a storm. And, I love the stories the walls could tell if they could speak.

Imagine...

Think of all the memories you have with your own family. Imagine what the walls could tell you about everything they have seen in the last 200 years, and of the families who were raised there. They could tell you about the people who walked through the doorway and about the laughter that filled the home. The could tell you about the support the offered when men and woman leaned against them as they gave way to sorrowful tears. They could tell me about babies that were rocked to sleep and that grew up into handsome young men. They could tell me about young ladies dressing in an upstairs bedroom in a beautiful wedding gown. And about how all the crops died one year, and there wasn't enough food on the table. They could tell me stories of love, sorrow and joy; of family, friendship and romance; of laughter, tears and hiccups. Wouldn't that be neat??

I love the memories, stories and history that is held within an elderly person or an old home. It is a beautiful legacy of life and death and one that should be treasured.

-Emily xo

A Cup of Coffee, a Giant Mess, Spilt Milk...and a Silly Little Pity Party

Do you ever have one of the phases or stages in your life when everything seems wrong? If you have, you know exactly what I am talking about.

It is one of those times when there seems to be a pile of little, painful things. Like a hundred teeny thorns in your side. Lately, I have been in one of those stages. I am not writing this to complain, although I have been doing a lot of that lately (and I am sooo not proud of that). I am writing this because I think I need to know I am not alone in feeling this way. I am not looking for a pity party...Heaven knows I do not need that. I am not looking for sympathy, although that sounds mighty appealing. I am looking for fellowship and to be able to help, even one person who may read this.

I know things have really not been that bad for me. I mean, I have a home, people who love me, food to eat, a car to drive and a job. I have everything I need. But, that does not mean I am above feeling a little down in the dumps lately. No huge, earth shattering tragedy has turned my life upside down, and for that I am entirely grateful. But, it has seemed that, lately, nothing is going right. Or, at least not the way I want it. All these little things, that on there own seem like tiny life hurtles, have come all at once. And, I have been left in the dust, feeling just a little overwhelmed, sad and, I am ashamed to admit it, but very sorry for myself.

There has been a lot of crying...over spilt milk and other equally ridiculous things.

The other day, over a cup of coffee, I was talking to my Momma. She's a wise woman when I let her be. I was crying (which I don't allow myself do in front of others very often) and sputtering about how things just seemed to be going wrong, and I was just so unhappy and I couldn't figure out what I am supposed to be doing or where I am going. I told her how incredibly frustrated I am because I have been praying and praying and seem to be getting no answer. I was just fed up.

She comforted me, and gave me some advice and words to ponder. But I think the greatest gift she gave me in that moment was just letting me hurt...She didn't try to fix it or explain it, but she just let me cry and hurt and see the mess. She wasn't promoting a pity party or anything, but she just let me lay the mess out there and cry for a few minutes until I was ready to smile again. Of course it wasn't like she waved a magic wand and I felt better, suddenly. But, she let me show her the messiness that was inside me. She let me show her the deepest, most painful, most hurt and scarred, most broken and most shameful parts of me. She let me be me. Totally, wholly and without judgement.

And, that is the most awesome gift she could have given me in that moment. I struggle so much with opening myself up so deeply, so by letting me show her the messy bits, she gave me the confidence I needed to be able to share that with other people in my life, and with all of you. By being able to do that, she has given this gift a thousand times over. She has given me the freedom I needed to show my messiness so I, and those in my life, can somehow discover the message hidden beneath all the layers of filth and grit. She let me be okay with being me, messy parts and all.

That is the most beautiful gift.

Thank you, Momma. I certainly hope I can find the message in this darkness.

-Emily xo

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today is my Momma's birthday. I am so thankful for her life and that God gave me the most beautiful, loving and caring woman to guide me and help me grow through my life here on this Earth. I am blessed.

Happy Birthday, Momma. I love you, more then words could ever tell you.

"A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."

-Tenneva Jordan

Not today, Momma. Not today. Today, there will be the largest slice of pie (or cake, actually) for you. Thank you for all the times you let us eat it... but today we want you to.

Love forever and for always,

Emily xo