Childhood

When I was at work the other day a Mother came in with her 2 girls. The younger of the two was probably around seven & the older one was probably around twelve. The twelve year old stood barely four & a half feet tall. She was cute & had a quiet, child-like voice. As I spoke to her and I realized something. She was wearing a lot of make up.

I am twenty one. I didn't have any makeup on this particular day. I wear makeup, probably an average of once a week, at the very most. I never wore make up when I was in high school and I certainly didn't wear it when I was twelve.

As I looked at this young girl before me I realized something...She looked sad. Her face was covered with makeup, masking the little, innocent child she should still be allowed to be. Instead she's covering up her childhood with powder on a brush and mascara on a wand. She's wearing jeans that hug her skinny legs, despite their lack of curves. She's trying so desperately to show the world she isn't a child. 

Beneath the long, mascara covered lashes her blue eyes could hardly meet mine as I spoke to her. They darted around like she was terrified I would see through her carefully put together disguise. She's fooled everyone but it was as if she was afraid to meet the careful, watchful eyes of the world for fear they'd call her out as a child beneath her mask. For a single moment though, her eyes caught mine...

They looked sad. And confused. Maybe she'd dug herself so deep in this lie, trying to hide her innocence, that she wants an escape. Maybe she's realized that being older isn't all it's cracked up to be and she misses the childhood she should be living. 

This Christmas I wish we, as a society, could give children back their childhoods and give their spirits back their innocence. 

Let the children be children. 

Emily xo

Five Things I Would Tell My Sixteen Year Old Self

After grade nine (which was miserable) I really enjoyed my high school experience, for the most part. But, I remember often finding myself torn between God's love and mercy and the secular-minded world was pushing in the face of a weak, impressionable sixteen year old. I was trying to figure out where I fit in school and in the world, and how I could accept and embrace the cross that I carried, being Catholic in a confused, angry world.

Like every sixteen year old in the world (or, at least I hope I was like every other sixteen year old!) I failed. Over and over again I messed up, cried, begged for forgiveness and proceeded to fail again.

Here's what I would tell myself at sixteen:

1. People will hate you. That probably wasn't the vote of confidence you were hoping would start off this list, but it is probably the most true and most important thing here. I want you to know that if you live the life you are called to, if you live like a Princess by following our King, if you love despite the hate and forgiveness in the midst of pain people will despise you and persecute you. I wish I could tell you it gets easier...it doesn't. As you get older people will hate you with more passion. They will threaten you and tell you you're ignorant. And, my dear, it will be worth it.

"If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world it would love you as it's own. But I have chosen you out of the world, so you don't belong to it. That is why the world hates you." John 15:18-19

2. Be patient, you will find people who treasure and adore you. Yes, the world will persecute you. But, others will look up to you and adore you. Cling to these people and they will be your greatest treasure. We were not made to live this life of faith alone and we need community and support. Surround yourself with these people, learn from them, teach them, pray with and for them. 

"Where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them." Matthew 18:20

3. Be thankful. You are not too cool to say, "thank you". Don't kid yourself, people will walk away if you are not grateful for their presence in your life. Tell and show everyone you are thankful for them. People need to know they are needed, just as you need to know you are needed. Don't ever take advantage. Be thankful for every moment you are given and for every person in your life. You don't have forever. Most importantly, thank God. He is responsible for this beautiful life you have. Thank Him with every breath.

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

4. Forgive. People will hate you and hurt you. It's easy to get caught up in holding grudges. Trust me, it gets you no where. Holding on only makes you more miserable. Instead, ask God for the grace to love through your pain and forgive those who hurt you. That love will set you free. Learn from the hurt but don't let it define or consume you.

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgive one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

5. Never stop being passionate. You know what is right, what is good, what you love and what you don't. Be passionate about those things and don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong. God has given you the grace to know these things and do find passion for them. Don't let anyone put out your light!

*I hope these inspire you today! Happy Tuesday!

Emily xo

Being Catholic in College

This September I began college for the first time. Yes, I have been finished high school for 3 and a half years, but I never went to college. Yes, I got a lot of flack for that. Thankfully, not from my parents, siblings or boyfriend. But, flack all the same, particularly from some very opinionated extended family who seemed to think their input was desired in every aspect of my life, including the ago I should be married, and what my hourly wage should be.

       

 

Kelly & I

The truth is, I never went to school because I never felt I should go. God knows I prayed & begged him to place a desire for it in my heart, so I could see some direction in my life. But, it was never there. I applied to College once, 2 years ago, and declined my acceptances because it felt wrong. But, what felt right? That I couldn't figure out. 

Which brings me to where I am now, in college studying to be a Personal Support Worker. I am there because I knew God was calling me to serve, and this seemed to the place where my heart found rest. 

However, it was more then not feeling God calling me to College that was keeping me away. I was afraid. Not of school, I enjoy learning. Not of making friends, I think I am fairly likable. I was afraid for my faith. I am keenly aware that my faith is a gift from God, one I will never take for granted. And, my entire life I am been in environments that fostered and encouraged my faith. I lived in a good Catholic home, I went to amazing Catholic schools, I had great Catholic friends, I feel in love with a wonderful Catholic man, I served in a beautiful Catholic ministry. I even worked for Catholics. But, I knew College wouldn't be like that, and I was terrified that my faith wouldn't be strong enough to withstand a nearly God-less culture-the culture of death.

I know I cannot be the only Catholic with this same perception of College. I certainly hope I am not, anyway! So, as I began College I had a couple of goals.

1. I wanted to remain & grow strong in my faith, not falter & let it fall. I wanted this experience to test me in ways I hadn't been tested, having spent most of my life around like minded Catholics. I wanted to be driven to me knees in prayer in ways I hadn't been before.

2. I wanted to find community. If nothing else, I know that my very being needs community. I am a very introverted person, so this can sometimes be challenging for me to see & understand, but still I know it's true. I want to find even one person who shares my faith & views with whom I can grow, spiritually.

3. I wanted to love more deeply. This may seem a little bizarre. It is, actually. But, I knew attending college would present me with endless opportunities to disagree with those around me-be it in the classroom or out. I would disagree with things taught in the classroom because of my moral stance. I would disagree with the lifestyles of my peers based on what I know to be true, life-giving & holy. 

In other words, I would make enemies. So, I needed to learn how to love more deeply. Because love is the single most effective way to be an evangelist. Which brings me to my next point.

4. I wanted to minister & evangelize. This is my duty & responsibility as a Catholic, and I knew College would test my ability in this area. I wanted to become well spoken in what I believe, but more then that, I wanted to live a life that was ministry enough.

Preeeaaaccchh ITTT, St. Francis!

So, is being Catholic in College difficult? Oh yes! But is it possible? Matthew 19:26, ladies & gentlemen. I think the most important thing to remember is this;

My prayers are with you...please pray for me as well!

Emily xo

The Start of Something New

In June I wrote a post wishing my little sister, Mary, a happy graduation. She graduated from 8th grade from a small, local school of just over 100 students. It was an exciting, nostalgic day for all of us, I am sure (I still cannot believe that was me 7 years ago...time flies). 

On September 3, 2013, the day before her 14th birthday, Mary will begin a new part of her life. High school. I am proud & excited for her. But, part of me wishes she could hold onto her innocent youth for just awhile longer. High school is hard, & I know she'll be fine, but that doesn't stop my over-protective big sister sense from going into overdrive. She has a good head on her shoulders. I know she'll succeed. I still worry, though. Of course. 

Anyway, today I was thinking about my first year of high school & how hard it was for me to find my identity in a new, larger school, with girls who could be downright mean. This morning, on my way to work, I heard the song, My Wish (Rascal Flatts). That was the song that played as I walked down the aisle, out of my high school, in my cap & gown, 3 years ago. 

If you've never heard the song, go have yourself a listen. I love it. And, it never fails to take me back to that packed school gymnasium 3 years ago, where I met my Mother's tear filled eyes that glowed with pride. I loved high school by the time I graduated. I had made some wonderful friends, the best memories & had truly given it everything I could.

Maybe you're starting high school this year...I wish you all the best. It does get better, I promise. Do not be afraid to be yourself. It's the best version of you  that you can be. Get involved- that is the best way to find people interested & passionate about the same things you are. And, it will pass as quickly as it arrived. Treasure the moments as they come, and thank God for every opportunity He gives you to be His light, even when it seems impossible & fruitless.

I am praying for you, no matter what chapter of life you're beginning this fall. Maybe it's motherhood, maybe it's a new career, maybe is collage... Whatever it is, He is with you!

Emily xo

My Dear Princess...

For years now I have been writing letters to my future husband...they are hidden away in a box, & written on lined paper, in a note book, scribbled on a scrap of baby, jotted down on a pink sticky note. I have always known one day I would get married & have a family. I know, in my heart, that that is what God has created me for, & I am always discerning life, & feel drawn back to that.

I cannot wait to be married to the man God created for me. For me. He created someone to be my companion, best friend, love and confident. Someone to love me like the Princess He created me to be.

But, today I realized something. Not only do I wait in hopefully anticipation of being married, but I also wait for the day I will (God willing) be blessed with the gift of Motherhood. What a lovely gift that would be! I was inspired to write (& share with you) a letter to my future daughter, if I have one.

My sweet, wee baby girl,

What a precious gift you are! That is my first prayer for you...that you will always know what a precious gift you are. I thank God for your life, & for every perfect piece of you. I pray you'll always know how dear you are to me, how much I love & adore you.
My darling, I promise to love you, unceasingly. Even, when I am tired, life fights to bring me down, I am angry and annoyed...I promise to love you. Please, forgive me for the times I don't show it, but please know I do love you, even then.
Dear little girl, my love is far from perfect. Only one, Holy & Almighty King can love you perfectly. Cling to that love when you feel the world is failing you. I pray you may, even in the darkest days, feel His great, abundant & everlasting love. Nothing you do, think or say can ever make that love falter. The love your father & I show you may sometimes fail you, because of our poor, sinful selves. But, the love of our God, it will be there, with open arms...every moment of every day. Know that, dear one.
As I write this, I am not even married yet. But, I know one thing for certain. The man who is your father will love & adore you. He will treasure you & you will be his Princess. He may not always know how to show you, but when he kisses your bo-bo, he is saying, "I love you, little one." When he reaches for my hand & kisses my lips in front of you he is showing you how love is supposed to look, and he is saying, "I adore you." When he holds you on his lap, showing you how to steer the truck, he is saying, "You are so beautiful, I love you, baby girl." When he changes the oil in your car, he is saying, "I love you." He is saying it the only way he knows how.
As time passes, you will grow. You will notice my teary eyes as I watch you reach milestone after milestone in you life. I am not crying because I am sad to see you grow, I am crying at how quickly time snatches away these moments. I will love watching you become the young lady God intended you to be, but I will be sad knowing soon you won't need me to hold your hand or tuck you in at night or read you stories. Time takes the moments too soon for my liking.
Baby, remember that I too am I daughter. I know what it's like, and I have been where you are. Even though you won't believe me, I truly do understand. If life has taught me anything it is this: you will always be a daughter. You will be our baby even when you have your own. And, you will always be the daughter of your Heavenly Father.
Not only will you always be a daughter, but you will always need your parents. No matter how old you are, or how much experience you've gained, there will always be comfort in calling your parents to ask them questions. Trust me, your grandparents can attest to this. If it wasn't for them I could not be here now. And, age is no factor in how often you will call upon your Father. Never underestimate the power of a prayer. He is always there, waiting to help you. You will always need Him. I promise you that.
So, sweet girl, please know your Momma loved you, even before you were a twinkle in her eye. You will be my whole world, and I will love every moment of getting to know you.
I adore you, Princess.
Love, your Momma

A Child's Dream

Today I wanted to introduce you to our Play House.

My Father works as a carpenter. Often they are left with scraps from jobs that will end up the dump. My Father's boss will, a lot of the time, send them home with Dad if he think he'll have some use for them at home. So, over the course of a year or so, Dad collected some siding, windows, cupboards and doors. 

A few summers ago, my Father set to work on this, our Play house. It's less like a play house, and more like a little cabin, really. It has beds, and is often used for extra sleeping quarters in the warmer months.

As we enter, please excuse the messiness...my brother was is currently using it as his 'room' for the summer...and his cleanliness leaves something to be desired. Sigh.

There are 3 windows, plus the door (which also has a good sized window in it) in this 10' by 12' space. It's bright & cheery & cozy. This windows looks towards the back of our property, away from the road. As you can see, there is a small tree growing against this side.

The door faces the laneway. You can see the little bit of grass before the gravel of the laneway. Our house is across the laneway. You can see the gazebo in the picture, which is part of our deck on the house.

Again, please excuse the mess *cough* Braeden *cough*. There is one set of bunk beds, pictured here, and one single bed (at one point there was 2 sets of bunks). The single bed runs along the back wall. It forms an 'L' shape with the bunks, and the head of the single bed is at the head of the bunks.

The window here faces the front of our property, towards the road.

P.S. Usually there are actually sheets on the beds, not just sleeping bags.

This chair was from an old set we had in our house many years ago. It sits along the wall facing the back of the property. The chair is turned towards a TV my brother moved out there to play X-Box on. 

This last window is opposite the door, and overlooks part of our garden, and the soy bean field. I like this view best, I think.

The single bed runs under this window, and to the left of it there are cupboards for extra storage, along with the TV my brother moved out there (which, clearly I forgot to take pictures of).

This is kind of a bird's eye view of the inside. It's cute & cozy & we love it. The carpet is an old one from our house, and the curtains on all the windows were made by my Mother.

I hope you liked this little tour! I love it, and I was 19 when it was built. It would have been my dream as a child!

Blessings,

Emily xo

Loving You

I came across this image today that says, "Loving you was my favourite mistake." Something about it kind of struck a cord. I am no expert with matters of the heart, and in fact, Troy's the only person I've ever dated.

But, does this not apply in other aspects of life? Including friendships? I have had friendships that have ended abruptly, and far from smoothly. Without naming names, I will mention one girl who I was best friends with throughout most of high school.

She was my very best friend. I loved her. We were as different as could be, but went together so well. I lover her like a sister. And, the rough ending to that friendship is still a scar on my heart that is painful.

But was loving her, and being her best friends wasn't a mistake, I don't think.

Did it hurt when things ended badly? Of course. But do I regret being her friend? Not for even a second. Maybe is was a mistake, or may it wasn't. Either way, loving her, & being her friend was a good one.

Emily xo

Who Needs a Pool?

Maybe at-home swimming pools are, in fact, over rated. Or, maybe not.

The other night I pulled into the driveway of my parent's home after work to this lovely sight.

My Dad works as a carpenter and spends most days building or re-doing homes. Apparently a recent reno involved removing a bath tub. And, somehow that bath tub wound up at our house. I am sure my Mother was thrilled. In his defense, it was behind the garage. Out of sight, at least.

On this particular day the ruthless stretch of merciless summer heat we'd been getting had gotten a little too much for these wee ones to handle. One of my brothers, with the help of a length of chain, dragged this across the yard so it ended up near the hose...and right by our front door. 

An ideal place for a swimming pool, no?

I mean, I can't really blame them...It was hot enough that I seriously considered joining them. But, by the time I got home it was nearly time for supper, and their pool had to close up for the night. Eating sure can get in the way of serious fun, such as this.

I hope you're staying cool this summer...any way you have to!

Emilyxo

The Places You'll Go

When I graduated from elementary school at the end of my year in 8th grade my teacher red us this book. I had read nearly every Dr. Seuss book under the sun, but this one was new for me. And, I am glad it was. It gave me a chance to really listen and enjoy this children's book.

Now, years later, this book is good to read once again. I am now in a position in my life where I can make dreams come true. I have grown up, and I have reached some of those places I thought I would go when I first heard this book at 13. Now, at 21, there are new places I want to go...new things I want to be. My growing up continues. 

The places I want to go now have very little to do with a career or job. They have more to do with living each moment I am given, breathing each breath, being thankful, seeing the world God has given me... and being the person God is calling me to be-the very best version of myself.

I want to:

  

But above all of these things I want to live a life that God created me for. If every moment of my life, from this moment on, is filled with terror and sorrow I want to, more then any of these things, have the grace to survive it, and become holier because of it. And, I want the grace to accept any sorrow I am given.

"And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed)

Kid, you'll move mountains!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to great places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!"

-Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss

-Emily xo

Happy Graduation Day!

On Friday, my sweet little sister graduated from Elementary school...I cannot believe she's finished grade 8, and next year will be entering the scary, ruthless world of high school. She grew up too fast, and time passed too quickly.

She received a lovely award that credited her with a successful time at the small, rural school she's wrapped up at. She looked so beautiful and smiled so wide. But, I am sure beneath that glowing grin there was a tiny bit of heartbreak as she recognized the sadness that accompanies the good bye to a 9 year friendship, with the school, staff, and students that are headed a different way next year. There was probably a reasonable amount of panic as she madly planned how she will spend every possible moment making this summer the most memorable yet. And, there was also some strange mixture of excitement and fear that can only accompany the knowledge that two months from now she will be entering an entirely new stage in life.

If you too are graduating then I wish you a thousand congratulations and many blessings. Keep the above quote close to your heart, every day, and remember that doing what is right is the most challenging and the most worthwhile thing you can do. If I could give my little sister one piece of advice, this is what it would be. Standing up for what we believe in, as Catholics and as children of a merciful & loving God, is especially challenging in a high school environment. I hope this inspires you!

Congratulations, baby!

-Emily xo

Large Family Don't Care- Part 1

When I was in grade nine my Mom told us that she was expecting her 8th child. I rememeber being over the moon excited for this little one, until one day someone said something that totally crushed my spirits.

My Mom had given up permission to finally tell our friends and classmates. One of my peers, whose locker was near mine, overheard me telling another one of my friends the big news. She turned to face me and said one word that nearly made me want to hit her.

"Why?"

My stomach dropped. This girl (who was an only child, by the way) had never met any other member of my family. She didn't know anything about us and here she was, passing judgement because of my number of siblings. A baby should be a source of joy. Always. But, this young lady could not see how having another child in our home would be anything but a burden. 

I think why this moment sticks out in my memory so much is that is was the first time I had experienced any reaction, other then joy, when I spoke about my siblings. Since then I have heard it all. But, when I was 14, this was all new to me. It shocked and appalled me. It still does, actually. 

I am going to do a 2-part post about this. This is part one, and I am going to tell you things I have heard from people when they ask how many siblings I have, and why it angers me. Part 2 will focus on why a big family isn't burdensome or awful, and my opinion on all of this. Keep in mind, I live in a very small town, so I am sure what people have said to me is fairly mild compared to what I would hear in a larger centre. Also keep in mind I am a Catholic, and large families are not uncommon, especially in the Catholic community where I live. 

Here we go... 

-please note the sarcasm in the responses-

"Do your parent's  not own a TV?"

- Okay, yes as a matter of fact we do have a TV. However, what does this matter? Are you saying my parent's should watch TV instead of procreating? Yes? Ok, well let me put it this way...I am pretty darn sure that if more married couples used sex for 'bonding and babies' then divorce would be decreasing like crazy! 

TV is not a replacement for sex. My parent's are not having sex and making me more siblings because they are bored and don't want to watch TV it is because the genuinely love one another, and our family.

Grrrr....

"Have they never heard of birth control?"

-Birth control? What is that?

Seriously, of course they have heard of birth control.... I am pretty sure if you asked a kindergarten class that they would say they'd heard of it. How could you not?

But, I think what you really mean is do they use birth control. And, that answer is no. Of course not. Neither would you if you did any amount of serious research on it. They do however use NFP. Which, by the way, is 95-99% effective, depending on the method you choose to use. And, they do not pump you full of nasty hormones and unnatural ingredients or objects. 

"Is your Mom pregnant again yet?"

-Actually no, sorry to disappoint. She and my father have actually decided to stop having children because of you response when she is pregnant. But, I will tell her you were asking in case this means you'd actually give your approval of her having another baby.

"Why would you want your Mom to have more children?"

Silly. I clearly want more children because I love never having my own room. Or, even my own bed. And, I love having to fight over who uses to car. Oh, did I mention I love having built in clothes thieves? 

Seriously though, how many children my parent's have is not actually up to me (and it's for sure not up to you). If I didn't want more siblings (which I do, by the way) that really doesn't matter. This decision belongs to my parents.

And, if you have ever had siblings then you know that they come with trials and hardships...but they also come with irreplaceable blessings. For example, I am never, ever lonely. Or bored. My sister has a massive closet, and I have access to outfits I wouldn't otherwise own. I get more opinions on everything I do then I know what to do with. I could look at that as a burden, or a blessing. But, it is nice to know someone (or 10 someones) is always looking out for my best interests. 

I could go on and on.

But mostly, I just love babies:)

I have heard many, many more things.... but here is just a taste of what I have been exposed to. Of course there have been tons of wonderful, happy responses and for those I am thankful. But, what stands out more are the ones that hurt my heart. I also figured they were worth mentioning because maybe some of you have been on the delivering end of comments like these, and maybe now you can appreciate how it feels from here on the receiving end.

So, embrace large families. I mean, after all, they are creating your future.

-Emily xo

A Crappy Girlfriend? Sigh...

I am not going to lie...I am usually a fairly crappy girlfriend. I love my boyfriend more then I can tell you (or him), and I love that he loves me. I treasure our relationship, and pray that if this is God's will, I will have him forever and we will have our happily ever after.

Buuuuttt...I suck at loving him. I know how he feels the most loved, and I know the things he enjoys and what makes him happy. But, I seem to never ever do any of them, or let him do what he enjoys. Thank heavens he loves me despite all that!

I decided to make a list, mostly for myself, of ten ways I can better love my boyfriend. Keep in mind, these are ways to love him and keep our relationship pure, holy and Christ-centred. Maybe they'll help you too.

1. Pray for him and with him. Often and Always.
This will keep both of us centred on the most important things in life, and we will find a love that is extraordinary when we start doing this.

2. Let him be affectionate.
I do not receive or give love through physical touch of any kind. Hand holding, snuggling, etc. usually drives me crazy. I mean, sometimes I am okay with it, and other times I can tolerate it, but a lot of times it makes me cringe. But, I recognize that that is how he feels loved and shows me he loves me, so sometimes I need to be a bit affectionate and allow him to be affectionate towards me.

3. Make him food.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. They are not lying. It's true. I love baking and cooking, but I rarely make the time to make him a meal or bake for him. I know he loves when I do, so I need to try to make this a priority.

4. Treasure and value him. Hang onto his every word.
I know that he likes when I take the time to sit there and actually listen to what he says. Sometimes, when he is talking about work (he's an electrician) or other guy type things I totally zone out. I find it hard to listen intently when I don't fully understand what he is talking about.
I have realized though, that is doesn't matter if I understand what he's talking about or not. I just need to sit there and listen to him and ask questions. He is taking the time to tell me, so it is important to him and I need to respect that.

5. Do what he enjoys and don't complain.
There are things that my boyfriend enjoys that I have had a really difficult time warming up to. He loves to hunt. I was (and still kind of am) terrified of guns. It is mostly about the loud noise they make. It has taken me a very long time to take even the slightest interest in hunting. But, you know what, I actually kind of enjoy it now. It has been the same with fishing. But I know he loves that I can enjoy these things and that he knows he has a companion in me. That has made it worth every second.

6. Let things go.
I can be very grouchy. Thank heavens he's a patient man! I have a tendency to bring up old issues when I get grouchy. This is sooooo bad! I need to let things go and accept that he is not perfect (but he's darn close). He is allowed to mess up and hurt my feelings by accident once in awhile, and I need to learn to take care of the situation as it happens and forgive and move on.

7. Stop comparing him.
I am a sucker for Romantic Comedies. I love me a good, sappy love story. But, I have to limit myself because the men in those stories are not real and I cannot be comparing my relationship to those. That is so unfair!

8. Ask and value his opinion. About everything.
This is something I think I am getting better at. I need to let him know that I trust our relationship is in his hands and that I trust him to make good decisions for us. I am not saying I cannot have a mind of my own, but he deserves to be asked when there is a decision to be made. Not only that, but his opinion deserves serious consideration. Don't just ask for the sake of asking.

9. Surprise him.
He has told me that he loves when I surprise him. Not with big things or a party, but just if I stop by unexpectedly. I need to remember that he is important, and I can make time in my schedule to stop by his work with breakfast or just for the sake of saying hello.

10. Really date him.
I need to date my boyfriend. He is not to be taken for granted, and I need to remember that. I need to always be fully present when I am with him, and really, really date him!

I hope these maybe help you in your relationships! And, let's all pray that we can treasure the relationships in our lives!

Many blessings,

Emily xo

Sex Before Marriage: Why or Why Not?

This is a touchy subject, I am well aware of that. But, it is also one that I feel is worthy of discussion. This isn't so much about having sex before marriage as it is about when sex has a place and when it doesn't.

Society often portrays the start of a relationship as when you first have sex.We see that in movies all the time. It is after the couple has sex that they become serious and exclusive. I believe that is so wrong, but I also believe that it is societyies way of trying to make right of something that is morally wrong.

Often times Christians will say how terrible it is that society places so little value in sex, and that young men and women often have so many partners before settling down. I agree with that. However, I think that, although there are tons and tons of one night stands, often times serious and exclusive relationships only begin once two people have had sex. That is because their innermost being is calling out in that moment, and they feel a need for the commitment that accompanies that act. Subconsciously, they realize the error in their ways and are striving to make it right by making some sort of commitment to that person, even if it is only for a couple of days, a month or a year.We are trying to make right of something we know, intrinsicly, is wrong.

This is the truth. Yes, that is deep and profound, so get ready!

Marriage is always before sex. Marriage is the commitment of forever. It is promising your entire self to someone for as long as you live. Til death do us part. Sex is like a binding agent. It is like glue. It solidifies something that is already strong, and it deepens the bond between two people. That is why it is so incredibly heart breaking when it is done outside of a commitment as serious as marriage.

Sex is absolutely beautiful.

It is a wonderful gift that we need to treasure. There is nothing dirty or sinful or evil about sex. That comes when sex (like any gift) is used incorrectly. It should be something we defend and guard, for our sake as much as for the person we will one day marry (whom the gift was originally intended for). The bond that is sex cannot be separated from the act. You cannot have sex without a deep, irreplaceable bond, and you cannot have that same bond without having sex.

That last part is where people so often get lost and confused. Our very beings, right to our core, desire sex. That is a good thing. But a thing to be mastered. I am not married, but I am in a relationship, and have been for over 4 years. I love him with every fibre of my being, and I would be lying if I told you that I didn't want the bond with him that comes with sex. However, I am also aware that there is the slightest possibility God will call me to something different before we get married (this could happen even after you are engaged!!), so I don't want to form that bond, only to have it ripped from me. Break ups are heartbreaking enough without adding the tearing of an everlasting bond created during sex.

People often so badly want to solidify their relationship, and feel that deep bond with the one they love that they decide sex is the only way for that. And they are right, sex is the only way for that, but not right now. There is a time and a place for everything, and I promise you that the time for sex is when you are married.

There are phases in every relationship, and if you have ever dated anyone for any length of time you know what I mean. There is a honeymoon type phase in the early days, where everything is butterflies. Eventually that passes, and you may notice things that bother you about the other person and you'll have your first couple fight. Sometimes that is the breaking part for couples. But, if you get through that then you know there will be a time for strengthening and deepening of the relationship as you get to know this person more and more. As each phase passes and another comes along (this happens throughout your whole life, I just touched on a couple) you see your relationship change, flourish, grow, deepen and strengthen. Sometimes, somewhere in there you are called apart, and sometimes you are challenged to go further. In all of it there is a purpose. All of this is part of the journey of falling in love with a person. Once you've made the decision to marry this person, the growth does not stop at the engagement ring. Often times the engagement is the most temptation filled, and trying time (up to this point) in your relationship, and so you must persevere through that as well. Eventually, when you marry this person, that is when you are ready to make a commitment that is everlasting, and that is the place for sex.

To have sex before this point would mess up the natural progress of your relationship and add undo stress, pressure and confusion. Sex is a joining of the body, mind and soul, and belongs only after the sacrament of marriage has been received! That is when it is able to be experienced in it's full glory. Then, and only then.

I encourage all of you to wait. I cannot tell you from experience, but I can tell you from truth...It will be worth it!

Many prayers,

Emily xo

St. Maria Goretti, pray for us!

A Message in the Mess?

Last night, on my drive home, I was listening to a local Christian radio station. There was a speaker on there (who's name I do not know) talking to the host about Motherhood, and just womanhood in general. She spoke of some profound things that I thought were worth discussing.

The point of what she was discussing was basically that, as women, we are constantly comparing ourselves. She was speaking of motherhood, in particular, but it is something true of most every woman. One thing that really stuck out to me is when she said that, as a young mother, comparing herself was something she was having a very difficult time with and a friend said to her,

'Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides.'

How true is that? I am not a mother, but I am a woman, and I try so hard not to compare myself to others, yet I always seem to be. I am not the type of person who likes to share my 'insides'. I hate people knowing that there may be even the slightest imperfection in my relationships, in my family, in my life in general. I am always putting on a face to cover my own messes. And, I know I am not the only woman to do this. So, if all the woman I am comparing my broken insides to are doing the same thing I do, then what an unfair comparison! I mean, I know,  in my heart, that people's lives are never perfect, and there are always things going on behind closed doors, but in that moment of comparison that doesn't seem to matter, or hold a candle to their seemingly perfect outside.

This woman also was speaking of her own experiences of sharing the brokenness in her life with those around her. Just the thought of being so brutally honest, even with my closest friends, terrifies me. However, she made a very good point.

If we, as Christians. put on this fake perfect life we scare people away. We may think that we are showing non-Christians what a beautiful life God gives us for following Him, but we are in fact doing the opposite. We intimidate people by this 'perfect' life, and they feel inadequate next to us because all they are able to see is their own failure and brokenness.

Is this making sense?

Anyway, by sharing our imperfection (& I am not saying you have to share specifics, but just the overall struggles) we encourage people to see us as their peers and not as holier-then-thou. We encourage people to come forward, share their own brokenness and open their hearts. When someone opens their heart, that is where God does his best work. So, we need to allow God to use us and our imperfection and brokenness as an instrument to reach those around us. And, most importantly, reach them in the midst of their brokenness, not in their perfection.

So, we need to find the message within our own mess, and allow others to see our mess and see the message. Don't be afraid of letting things get a little messy...it is in those moments where we grow the most.

Here's to sharing our messes,

Emily xo

I Do, Forever...

All I have ever wanted to be when I 'grew up' was a wife and a Mom. I wanted to get married to the handsomest man who loved me more deeply and passionately then I had ever been loved before. A man who would promise to love me and care for me until the end of time. I wanted to share my heart and my home with him, and I wanted him to be the caring, loving, perfectly imperfect father of my children.

And, I wanted to experience a growing stomach as a baby formed in my womb. I wanted to feel a little one move and kick. I wanted to know my body was housing a beautiful new life, and I would have the privilege to give birth to a little baby God had given my husband and I to raise and lead to Him.

When I thought about my future it was always may safe place, so to speak. The place where my simple dreams for a wonderful life lived. I believe that is the life God is calling me to, and looking forward to that life has always been a haven of sorts.

However, as I got older I realized society has a very negative idea of my dream life, and it's because of societies warped view on motherhood and family that I find myself full of anxiety about my future. I have been openly told that my boyfriend and I are too young to be in love, and  if we get married it won't last because it's our first relationship. I have been told I need to go to school before I can get married, because otherwise I will not be able to afford an excessive life. I have been asked why I would want to have a house full of children. I have questioned on my sanity for believing marriage is forever, and in-disposable, and that sex before marriage is out of the question.

Society destroys family before it even has a chance to begin. I am privileged to have been raised in the home I was. My Mom had 9 children, and stayed at home to raise us. My father worked hard and was the spiritual leader of our home. We had more then what we needed. This background has given me the backbone I need to stand up to societies pressures and opinions. I am not saying they don't effect me, because of course they do. But, I am better able to preserve what I believe in because of my faith, and the guidance I was given growing up.

Some people are not as blessed as I am. I know young women who have come from broken homes, but so desire a future like I feel called to. Without faith, and without a solid family base, it is hard to stand up to society. It's a challenge to persevere in a good, family oriented life when society tells you otherwise, and when you are constantly looked down upon for having the opinions that they do.

As a society  we need to work on readjusting this warped view of family and marriage. We need to promote sex within marriage, good, holy couples, lasting and committed marriages, child-rearing marriages and love. True love; not lust.

We need to heal the hurt in the world by starting at home. We need to begin within our own homes, and be an example to a starving, hurting world.

Pray with me for healing hearts!

Emily xo

Stolen Innocence

Over Easter weekend I was at my grandparent's house. I am the oldest of over 30 first cousins on my Mom's side of the family, so there are always lots of little ones running around. While I was sitting at the table I overheard a conversation between my 14 year old cousin, her Mom, and our Aunt.

I wasn't eavesdropping, I promise.

At one point the conversation got a little louder, which is how I ended up over hearing it in the first place. My cousin was expressing her annoyance at her Mother. Annoyance which stemmed from her Mom not letting her drink at parties.

I tried not to let my mouth fall totally open (I was eating, so I am sure everyone around me was also grateful I was able to achieve this). Did I mention she is 14...in grade 9? When I was in grade 9 we went to my friend's house, walked to the near by store, bought a container of icing and ate it while sitting on the grass. We talked about boys, who we had never actually had a full conversation with, but we were hopelessly in love. We talked about upcoming school dances, because we genuinely enjoyed tearing up the dance floor with our ridiculous moves we called dancing. We laughed about the class clowns. We teased one another about crushes and our cheeks turned every shade of red when his name was mentioned. The most rebellious thing we did was stay up all night in my friend's living room, eating toast with honey. The only boy we saw was her older brother. And the only alcohol we saw was the beer bottles he piled into the trunk of his car.

Maybe I am dating myself...but really, how can grade 9 change so drastically in 6 years? This dear, sweet, beautiful young woman is the home to the little curly haired angel that used to beg me to play house with her or push her on swings. Who used to find every mud puddle on the face of the earth, with the constant company of my younger sisters. Who had big brown eyes that used to shine innocence and love. She's no little girl any more.

It breaks my heart, not that she is growing up, that is only natural, but that alcohol is a rite of passage in her mind. She wanted so badly to "just have one." at the parties her friends all went to. Her Mom had told her she couldn't go to parties until she was in grade 10...which is only 6 short months away. But, in her mind it was an unfair rule, and 6 months was a lifetime.

My aunt just said, "Oh honey, it changes you. Once you start into that you're aren't who you were. You're Mom is right." She is right. Although the drinking and partying didn't start in grade nine for my classmates, it did start. It began, and now, three years after we've graduated, it hasn't really stopped.

I am by no means 'anti-alcohol'. In moderation is can be a lovely treat. But, when you're fourteen, moderation isn't in your vocabulary, let alone your mind. Especially after that first sip.And, I think that after you start into the party and drinking scene, it's hard to get out. I have friends who dedicate every weekend to one party or another. And, it's fine if you go to see your friends, hang out, and have a drink. But when you wake up every Sunday with a hangover worse then the last, it's a difficult trap to get out of.

I have friends who are getting married now. I have friends who are in their third year of university, working so hard to kick start a career. I have friends who are expecting babies. And, I have people who were my very best friends in high school that I hardly see any more. Those are the people who have a hangover every weekend, and whose lives revolve around the next party. I am not saying they aren't successful. Some of the are. In fact, one graduates from school this spring. But, are they really growing up? I don't see them any more because I have a problem with their partying. I don't see them any more because we have no common ground, because when their weeks are consumed with building a successful future, and their weekends with consuming as much alcohol as possible, when is their time to sit and have a girl's night? When is there time to catch up and reclaim that common ground where we both found friendship once upon a time?

There isn't.

I know I am generalizing. But, from my experience, this whole party scene is a recipe for disaster. Brad Paisley's song, Alcohol, comes to mind. He makes light of it, and it's a comical song. But really, who wants to live their life like that? And, why in the world are we letting fourteen year olds think this okay? Why are we glorifying something which can cause so much pain?

Anyway, the point of this rant is that we need to find a balance. We need to find that spot where alcohol can be enjoyed without destroying. We need these sweet young ladies and gentleman to understand that alcohol is not needed for their to be fun, and we need to teach them ways to have fun without relying on substance. And, we need to show them that 'cool' and 'grown-up' don't mean alcohol. Isn't there something better that they could see as their rite of passage into an adult world? Maybe when they're, say, twenty? Haha!

Please join me in praying for these young people. They so badly need a revival.

St. Maria Goretti, St. Aloysius, St. Valentine, St. Philomena- Pray for them!

-Emily xo

Dress to Impress?

Does how to dress impact those around us?

This is a valid question, that we often make more complex then it has to be. The answer is yes. Yes, how we dress does impact those around us. People, women in particular, will often argue that it isn't their fault that men can't keep their eyes to themselves, or that others shouldn't be so shallow as to pass judgement based on what a person is wearing.

But, here's the thing. We are human. The issue is not whether or not it should impact those around us, but whether or not is does impact them. The first example I will use is woman dressing in a suggestive manner. This can mean low cut, cleavage showing shirts, short dresses, skirts or pants, tight clothing, see through tops, etc.

Are men effected by this type of dress? Of course! Who isn't? If you see someone dressed liked that you more often then not take a second look. Not necessarily because you want to, or because you're interested, but because it catches our attention (be it positive or negative). Men, more so then women, are physical beings. They are more effected by the physical appearance of people (women in particular). This is not because they are shallow or perverts, but it is because that is how they are made. Yes, they sometimes should try to fight the urge to stare at people, but that is not made easier when woman dress in a suggestive manner. They should try to avoid looking, but the temptation is there and difficult for them to resist. So should we really try to lead them to sin by how we dress? We don't want others to lead us to do something we are uncomfortable with, or that could cause us to sin, just as we shouldn't dress in a way that may draw unwanted attention from men or lead them to sin.

The second thing I want to touch on it how the way we dress can present to the world who we are. Although we should always strive to get to know a person, and not judge a book by it's cover, or a girl by her dress, the reality is that we often do. How we clothe our bodies shows those around us how we see ourselves. Do we respect ourselves? Do take care of our bodies? I am not saying that this is the right way to go about life, but it is how a lot of people live. That is why presenting ourselves in a way that is respectful can teach those around us to also respect us. Ultimately, people often perceive us and treat us in the same way we see and treat ourselves. And, that should be with respect, should it not?

I hope you found this enlightening in some way!

Blessings,

Emily xo

Modest Dress- Archaic or Relevant?

Is modest dress in our current world an outdated idea, reserved only for the pushy religious and Amish? I am no expert, and by no means a saint, but I have some strong opinions on this. I think that probably stems from my passion for young women ministry. I so badly want for all young women to know their value and to know how stunning and precious they are. My heart hurts for so many young ladies I see walking around with hardly enough fabric around their bodies to be considered clothing.

I don't think I am a prude...maybe some would consider me to be so, but I really think that I just value people, and our God, and that means believing in some ideas that some may consider archaic and silly. Whatever your opinion on the matter, I challenge you to read on, and see what I have to say.

I believe what so many people in our world seem to have forgotten. Our bodies are holy. We were created in the image and likeness of God. Of God. I mean, God could have made us to look however He pleased, He is God after all. But He cared so deeply for what he was about to create that he wanted to make us like Him in all ways but sin. That is the highest of honours.

Maybe you think you mother, or aunt or some other relative is simply stunning. When people tell you that you resemble them, you are incredibly flattered because you take that to mean you are nearly as beautiful as they are. So, is being made in the image of our God not also high praise? He adores us! There is no greater flattery.

I believe this to mean that are bodies are made with such care and love that we need to respect them as such. We need to veil them and care for them in a way that reflects the glory in which they were created. This point could be argued both ways I suppose...

I see it to mean that we need to cloth our bodies in a way that reflects the glory we were made in, but others may say that if God made us like Him would He not want us to show it off?

I think the answer to that is, no. Time and time again we see and hear that God is a gentleman. He never forces himself where He is not welcome. He waits to be invited into our hearts, our homes, our schools, our jobs and then He enters with grace. I believe He calls us to do the same.

We are ladies, and we need to act as such. This means dressing our bodies in a way that reflects that. We don't need to display all we are to the world. Rather, we reserve it. Not in shame, but in respect, not only for ourselves, but for those around us. Our bodies are beautiful! No matter the shape or size, they are stunning. That being said, we do not have the right to expose ourselves in a way that disgraces what God has made or in a way that leads others to sin.

I don't want to make this post to long and rambly, but I think this is an important topic. So, over the next few days I am going to touch on what modest dressing is (in my opinion), and how how we dress can impact other's temptations for sin.

Have a wonderful, blessed day, and dress your best!

Prayers,

Emily xoxo

11 Things Every Girl Should Know...

I was looking back over my past the other day, and I realized how thankful I was for the things I was told/taught before dating, and what I wished I'd known. I decided to put together a list of what every girl should know before entering the dating world. Number 10 & 11 are the most important...don't stop reading before you get there!

Without further ado, 11 Things Every Girl Should Know:

1. Trust your parents/caregivers. Believe it or not, they are not looking to ruin your life and destroy your chances with every boy you know. They have intuition and insight you may not have because time, experience and parenting has taught them a thing or two.

2. You don't want to be 'hot'. Hot is a temperature. You want to be gorgeous, beautiful, intelligent. Sometimes young men don't understand the difference, and it's okay to teach them. Hot suggests you have a nice, sexy body, which is great. But is that body not also the host of a beautiful soul, and intriguing mind? The answer is yes. Yes, you are so much more!

3. Be a lady, always. Being a lady doesn't mean strutting around like a princess, it means demanding respect by your polite charm. Use manners like they're going out of style, dress your body in a way that would make your grandfather proud, not blush with embarrassment, speak in a way that is uplifting and encouraging, never swear. 

4. Let men be men. Men need to know they are men, so let them open doors help you out of the car, put your coat on, fix your vehicle and talk about how tough they are. Don't let your pride get in the way of those things. Take them as a sincere form of flattery. 

5. Say what you mean. Don't say flowers are a waste of money when you secretly are dying for a man to show up at the door with a beautiful bouquet. You will confuse the poor fellow!

6. Even gentlemen are still men. Men are physical beings, they can't help it. Just like we are emotional and can't help it. Avoid situations for too much physical intimacy, because it can lead you down a dangerous road. Just because a man is a gentleman in every sense of word does not mean is immune to temptation, especially in a dark room, on a bed, with the door closed. Avoid it, for his sake as much as yours.

7. Be smart. Too much to drink or staying out too late can also lead you down a road to temptation, so monitor your alcohol and be home at a reasonable hour.

8. Affirm him. He needs to know he is doing things well. So, thank him and build him up.

9. Defend him. He loves you and you love him. Don't criticize him in front of your friends for the sake of popularity or a laugh. 

10. Discern Marriage. This may be one of the most important things on the list (with the exception of number 11, obviously). Do not date for the sake of dating, or for social status. Ask yourself, "Could I marry this man? Would he be a good husband and father?" You both need to have the expectation that this relationship is for the discernment of marriage and your forever. Pray, pray, pray!!

11. God is always first. Always. You may be head over heals in love with someone, but if God is not first it is all for not. Love God before anyone! Place God first & he will lead and guide you in your relationship. This is the most important thing!! This means praying about your relationship, both alone and with him. Praying together is a beautiful thing and you will be tremendously blessed! Go to Church together- another critical and beautiful thing!

I hope that these are enlightening and useful! May God bless you, and the one you will marry!

-Emily xox