Does He?

Being in college I has opened my eyes over the last 7 months. Not in a great way...

Lately I have been thinking about all the heart ache the girls in my class have experienced. I cannot believe the ups and downs some of these girls have gone through in just seven months, all at the expense of meaningless relationships, marriages that have been tossed away, endless one night stands with a constant parade of men and being the mistress to a married man. It makes me so sad.

I have been in the past few weeks how I keep my relationship strong, how I don't have sex and how I keep my relationship pure and wholesome. Here is my list of dos and don'ts when meeting men. I hope this helps!

Does he...

1. Respect you when you tell him you want to keep your relationship pure?

For me, I knew Troy and I would work out because he didn't laugh in my face when I told him on one of our early dates that I have no intention of sleeping with him (unless of course we got married first). Instead he agreed with me.

2. Care about your family?

I am Catholic, so I remember my Mom saying that she knew Troy was a good man when he would pray the Rosary with my family. But, it doesn't have to be prayer. Does he invest in getting to know your family, does he treat them well?

3. Look at you as if you are a princess?

You can tell by a man's eyes if he is looking at you lustfully or with awe, amazement and awareness of the dignity and respect you deserve. He should look at you like you're glass that might break, like your a prized jewel, like you truly are a princess.

4. Ask you about sex or push you to go just a little further?

If yes, stay AWAY!! Never let anyone make you uncomfortable or compromise your standards. At the end of the day you want to look in the mirror at yourself and be proud of what you stand for, not be disappointed because you've let someone talk you into something you never wanted.

5. Ask how you are?

You need to know he cares about you, as a person. He should ask how you are, listen when you tell him and he should want to solve all of your problems {even when he can't, he should desire to}.

6. Make you a better person?

It's important to be very aware of who you are with certain people. This goes for friends and boyfriends. Make sure you like the person you are when you are with him. Make sure when you are not with him you would still approve of who you become when you are with him. He should make you a better version of yourself, but not change you into someone you never wanted to be.

7. Make you smile?

This may seem silly, but it's a good point. You want to smile and enjoy one another. If he doesn't make you smile then chances are he'll make you sad (maybe not now, but in the long run). Of course, you won't smile all the time, but can he bring a smile out of you even when you feel miserable?

8. Bring you closer to God?

Pray together, attend Mass together, pray for each other. Pray is important for personal growth and it's definitely important for the growth of your relationship. If you build a foundation on God you cannot fail.

9. Fight for you?

Don't put him in the position to have to fight over you, but will he fight for you? If the world gets rough and you slip away, if everything crashes down and you push him away, will he fight? You never want to be in a relationship where both people aren't willing to fight. You can't have marriage without being willing to fight temptation, lust, hate, anger, frustration, sadness, depression, faithlessness, sorrow and grief for the sake of saving your relationship.

10. Love you?

There is a difference between needing someone and loving them. Especially for young people, often times the perceived need for a relationship is greater than the actual love you have for the other person. Be sure he loves you AND needs you. Be sure he loves you because you have faults, not because you are wonderful.

11. Forgive you?

Trust me, you'll mess up. Probably a million times you'll mess up. Does he forgive you for messing up? He should not only tells you he forgives you, but show up by not holding them against you in a future heated argument. Do the same for him.

12. Let you grow?

It's important when you are dating to be constantly discerning your relationship. Sometimes God calls you away for a time or forever. It's scary, but it's necessary to discern because once you are married you are 100% committed, until death does you part. You need a man who will let you grow because he knows the importance of discerning your relationship too.

13. Love God more?

God is love. The love in your relationship cannot be full or complete unless you both love God. It seems lots of time spiritual leadership falls in the women's shoulders. Don't let it. You both need to love God more, individually, than you love one another. And, then, and only then, will your love for one another reflect God's love of you.

                                

I hope this helps you & I hope you are having a holy Lent.

Many blessings,

Emily xo

St. Valentine, Pray for Us!

It's Saint Valentine's Day today. On my way to class early this morning I was reflecting on all the love I have received in the last 22 years. My parents have a beautiful marriage, and my siblings and I are products of their love. God has loved me into being, He has loved me through the rough homeschooling years when I was nothing but a terror for my poor mother, He has loved me when I was broken and alone and was by my side as I navigated the dreadful high school hallways, He loved me as I left home for the first time, He loved me through and despite every mistake, and He made me new again.

Between those 2 examples alone I have had more than enough fruitful and wholesome examples of love to look up to. I am thankful for that. Five years ago I fell in love for the first time. He too has loved me through many hard time, and has been with me as I grew into adulthood. He has seen me at my very best and he has seen me at my very worst, and still he loves me.

Love really is a gift. And, I realized this morning that I am so incredibly blessed by the love I receive from my parents, from God, from Troy, from my sisters and brothers and through my friends. And, I think I was, unknowingly, taking for granted that love. Until this morning.

I thought about the girls in my class (there is something like 38 students, and only 2 men...) on my way to the school this morning. Many have boyfriends, or friends with benefits... many have children and they are all preparing for careers that will require giving a whole lot of love.

But there is something else I have noticed. Many of them are barely 30, and have at least one child (which is beautiful), but of those who have children I would say probably only 2 of them are married. That is sad, but what saddens me even more is that most have them have been married. They are 30 years old (or younger), have a family and divorce papers. It's hard to keep an optimistic view of marriage in our world when this is becoming the norm.

So, what went wrong? It's hard to say, I guess. But, I have discovered that maybe it isn't so hard to pinpoint after all... love has become disposable. We are lending a hand in this divorce epidemic by presenting the view to the world that love isn't something that needs time or work. We cannot sugar-coat relationships or provide advice that consists of the sentence, "Maybe you have just fallen out of love with him." We need to be real, and honest. Love is a choice that is made in every moment of every day. And, love is impossible without God. Yes, impossible. I am not saying it's harder without God, or different without God. It is truly impossible without God IS love...without Him love cannot exist in our world. Not only is God the maker, creator and giver or love, but He is also the perfect example of love. He never gives up on us...and we are as imperfect as imperfect can get. We need to seek after His wisdom and example and enter every relationship in life with the understanding that romance is not present every moment of life, and we may have a crappy day or our friend, spouse, parent or sibling may treat us terribly sometimes (guarantee you treat them like crap sometimes too!) or you just may not feel in love. But love is more than a feeling...it's a choice and the result of it is more beautiful and miraculous than you could ever imagine.

Make sure people in your life know you love them today... even if you don't feel like it.

St. Valentine, please pray for us.

Emily xo

Love Conquers All

When I was on NET (see the NET Ministries tab at the top if you aren't familiar with NET) there was a huge emphasis, not only on youth ministry, but also on team life. Since I was living in close quarters with my five team members, and seeing them literally every day all day it was crucial I learn what being a member of a team really is.

I mean, I have been parts of groups and organizations before, but nothing compared to this. We would always joke that it's like marriage preparation. During our training for NET there was also training specifically on how to love our team members, even when we hated them. It's a funny statement, I know. But, how do we do that? How do we love someone who is so completely different than us and with who we are constantly butting heads?

It is hard.

Loving like Jesus loves, seeing Jesus in those around us and loving Him in that other person, praying for grace to love even when it's hard, and making everything you do about sacrifice is the only way one can do this. Every morning I prayed for my team. I prayed for their needs, for their desires, for the burdens on their hearts. I prayed that I would know how to love them that day, and that my love would help heal their broken pieces. I prayed that God would have mercy on my brokenness every day. I begged Him to teach me, every day, how to love like He loves. I asked for the grace to see His face in the face of my team mates, even at the heart of a heated disagreement. And, I made my life about sacrifice. I learned how to give up myself to serve my teammates. Jesus opened my heart to see that the ultimate sacrifice was His death on the cross for my sins, and that my entire life needed to be a series of sacrifices, small in comparison to the cross, that would ultimately lead me and those I encounter to the foot of His cross, with open arms and an open heart.

We referred to the girls on the team as the "sisterhood" and the boys as the "brotherhood". Not only did I try to constantly serve my sisters and brothers on my team individually, but we also tried to serve as a 'hood. The girls would get together and plan something to honour, thank and life up our brothers. We wrote them songs, cooked for the, brought them coffees, and had nerf gun wars with them. We also made sure they could have time together, as brothers, to bond. And, our brothers did the same for us. They made us gifts, brought us roses, wrote us notes, thanked us for our love and opened doors. It didn't matter if it was big or small things, but we made a point of serving one another.

So what did this do? Not only did my relationship with each of my team members become strengthened, but they also lead and challenged my to get closer to Jesus, and have a new zeal for faith. We now live in all corners of the country and are doing many different things...one is in the seminary, one is in school, one is working for NET...we are all separated by miles and time. However, the relationship I have with each of them is deeper than any friendship I have ever had in my life. I know, without a doubt, that they pray for me. I know the moment I need them they will be here-in person or in prayer. I know I can confide in them and seek wisdom from them. I know they will love me, despite any difference we have or argument we encounter. I know that because of how our relationships were formed on NET that we are as close as family.

I believe having a common faith is the greatest gift in any relationship-be it dating of friendship. It allows a whole new depth, dimension and meaning to the relationship. It eases any doubt that you will be abandoned by them, or that you will get hurt. You know that any rift or separation that forms in your relationship can be bridged because, at the end of the day, you both come back to the same values, to the same God.

That is the greatest gift.

So I challenge you, with your spouse or boyfriend, best friend and worst enemy...serve them. Do little, extraordinary things. Make sure they know you love them, and that you are leading them to the cross. Make sure they know you're always calling them to greater, more beautiful things. And, above all, pray for them. Love them even when they hate you, and especially when you hate them. Love them passionately, deeply, perfectly and beautiful. Love them with the grace of God because Jesus is in them.

To my beautiful team...I adore you, thank you for all you've taught me. I am praying for you, always.

Emily xo

The Privilege of Womanhood-Girls & Friends

If you are anything like me, then the thought of girlfriends as a privilege of your womanhood may seem like a stretch. Most of my life, growing up in my small town, I found friendships with other girls to be very overrated! My younger sister, Laura, who just began grade 11, is now taking up her cross & climbing a similar mountain. Her closest friends, at the moment, are boys.

The reality is, girls can be mean. The can be spiteful, cruel and the worst bullies of all. Because, what they say, "sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...well, it isn't true. The most pain I have ever experienced in my life was at the evil hand of words and rumors spoken by girls.

Here is the thing though, having girlfriends can be the greatest gift. It has taken me years to understand and experience that, but it's true. Troy and I have been dating for 4 1/2 years. He is my best friend. But, I have realized that he will never take the place of girlfriends, and placing that expectation on him is hard on our relationship.

Men & women are sooo different, but we both need community. We get companionship in our relationships with the opposite sex, but we need fellowship & community with our own gender. As we get older, and get busier or friendships tend to grow, end or change. But it is important to remember that having at least one or two girlfriends is an irreplaceable gift. They will be able to help, encourage, guide and teach you in a way that a husband, boyfriend or guy friend cannot. Not because of any fault of their own, but just simply because they are created differently then us.

I know as my Mom got older, got married, had babies and got so bust a lot of her friendships that she had when I was very young are more just casual acquaintances now. They share a past, but not a present. Now, my Mom's closest friends are her sisters (she has 3) and her brothers wives (there are 4). They live close to her, share her faith, and are at similar places in their lives. She doesn't go out with them a lot or anything, but they share phone calls and children play dates. I know if you asked her she would tell you that these relationships are key in her life. Not because she doesn't have a wonderful marriage and husband she can share anything with, she does...but sometimes you need to talk to a woman who understands, first hand, the trials of motherhood, and of being a wife. You need the advice and wisdom of other woman in terms of being a faithful woman of God. These are things your husband/boyfriend/guy friends can encourage, but not things they can truly understand, relate to or offer first hand advice about.

So, if you are in the midst of an awful high school experience, and have had your share of girl bullies...I understand. I promise, it will get better. Find good, like-minded girlfriends...your friendship with them will be irreplaceable, come whatever may.

For me, the greatest girlfriends I have are my sisters, and my 'sister' Cecile from my year I served on NET. They are people with whom I share the bond of my faith, and with whom I trust my heart. I am so thankful for them! I love Troy, and am thankful for him...but sometimes I need girl time. 

I think the key to finding a good girl friend is similar to that of finding a good man. You need to look for them in the right places...you will not finding lasting friendships in seedy bars. Look for female fellowship in Church groups. If you're a Mom, seek out Mom fellowship in playgroups or Mom support groups. Look for good friendships in places you feel the most at home, the most comfortable and the most fulfilled. And, of course, trust God to lead good, holy, wholesome, wonderful women in to your life. He will not fail. 

Part 3, The Privilege of Womanhood is about being a Mother. Stay tuned!

Emily xo 

Catholic Canadian? Can I be Both?

I am a Canadian, and a Roman Catholic. I take pride in both of these facts, but have discovered that one, by far, outweighs the other when it comes to how I live my life & how I define myself. Sometimes I cannot be both a Canadian AND a Catholic.

           

What does it mean to be a Canadian Citizen?
According to the Canadian Government it means to have these values;
Equality, Respect for Cultural Differences, Freedom, Peace, Law & Order.

Does that not make this nation sound like some sort of Utopia? Yes, of course it does. That is why we are so multicultural (Google "what does it mean to be a Canadian"- you will find tons of articles headlining that we are multicultural).

Equality sounds lovely, doesn't it? In the Government article linked above it describes equality in this way;

We respect everyone's rights. Everyone has the right to speak out and express ideas that others might disagree with. Governments must treat everyone with equal dignity and respect- two other fundamental Canadian values. 

Perfect? Well, maybe not. Here is the thing-everyone is not equal. They should be, but they are not. This nation has taken equality to mean that every person should have the rights to live as the wish, not as they should. And, as a Roman Catholic, I often disagree with how they go about this.

For example- I believe that homosexuality is spiritually immoral. I believe it to be sinful, detrimental to society, a mental illness/imbalance. I believe homosexuality is wrong. Always.

Now, I believe people who are homosexual deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect as every other person on the planet, but I also believe that they are living lives of hardship, sin (if they are practicing their homosexuality), and lives that can, ultimately, destroy their souls.

I know it is my responsibility, as a Catholic, striving for Heaven, to help, guide, and encourage them on paths that will get them to Heaven (God willing). This means I still speak kind words, I still open doors for them. It means I visit with them and befriend them. It means I live my life in a way that exemplifies the teachings of the Catholic Church, in every aspect of my life. It means that I may never have to use words to tell them that the cross they've been given in life, like all our crosses, can lead them far from the gates of Heaven. It means my very life will, hopefully, be ministry enough to bring them home to our God.

As a Canadian, I am expected to smile & say, "good for them!" as Pride Parades sweep our nation every summer. It means I am not permitted to be uncomfortable by public displays of affection, involving two people of the same gender (even if I would be repulsed by the same display between a man & a woman). It means I cannot say that I believe homosexuality is a temptation, a cross, or a sin.

As a Canadian, I am expected to take the meaning of "equality" as everyone is the same, and others may live their lives as the wish- be it as homosexuals, pro-abortionist, those engaging in pre/post-marital sex...the list goes on.

As a Catholic, I believe everyone person is given crosses to bear in life. We struggle with different temptations for sin, and battle interior battles often. Homosexuality is one of those crosses. It is a temptation. I acknowledge that. I am always amazed when I hear stories of men & women who struggle with homosexuality, and are able to choose lives of chastity and purity. What a challenge that must be! See, homosexuals are called to lives of purity & chastity, the same as every other single person, dating, engaged and married couple are (here for more information). To not live in that way is a sin. No ifs, ands or buts.

As a Catholic I know that equality means treating everyone as my brother & sister, and loving them, despite their imperfections. I know it means encouraging & helping others out of their temptations for sin & into lives of fulfillment and faith. It means leaning on my brothers & sisters in Christ when I am weak & struggling with my own crosses.It does not mean applauding behavior that is morally detrimental, but rather calling people out of that and into lives where they can be truly happy.

As a traditionally Christian nation, I understand what the Canadian government is striving for. They have taken good, solid Christian values into account when building up this country but they are misinformed on how to properly execute their implementation into our Provinces and Territories. We have taken everything to an extreme to avoid stepping on anyone's toes or insulting anyone. Those are good intentions. However, they have forgotten to take into account that maybe not all behaviors, ways of life, procedures and ideas are appropriate, life-giving, fulfilling and good. Every good society needs restrictions, guide lines and rules. We are imperfect humans, all of us, and we cannot live without rules of some kind. So, where does this "to each his own" mentality draw it's line? It seems very blurry to me...

-Emily xo

A Legacy of Faith

On Saturday August 10th my Aunt & Uncle welcomed their first little baby into the world. It was an exciting day for my family, and we cannot wait to meet sweet, little Maria.

She is being baptized at their Parish, about 2 hours from here, on Sunday afternoon. We are anxiously awaiting the day she will be welcomed into the loving home of the Catholic Church, and they day we will all get to lay eyes on her for the first time.

I wanted to take a moment, not only to welcome little Maria into the world, and into the Catholic Church (on Sunday), but to touch on the beautiful gift of new life...and large families. I wrote 2 articles, here & here, back in June about the gift of large families, and the criticism they often face. Today, I want to explain to you about my family.

Both of my parents are one of eight children. My Mom is one of the older ones in her family, and my Dad one of the younger in his. Mom's family is with whom I spent/spend most of my time. I am close with them in proximity (for the most part) and in relationship.

My grandparent, Mom's parents, have one of the most beautiful relationships I have ever seen. When I was in high school we had a fire at our home, and my entire family stayed at my grandparent's house for a few weeks before Christmas. It was then, when I was living under their roof, that I truly got to see their relationship in action. They are so genuinely kind to one another, all the time. But, more then that, they have a faith that has withstood many, many trials and temptations. They still pray together, every single day. That is what has made their relationship so incredibly strong, and what created the pillar that their wonderful family is built on.

This November my grandparents will be married for 50 years...in that time the have purchased and built up an extremely successful family dairy farm. They have raised a house full of wonderful, solid children who love and respect them. They have experienced death, and the lose of close family. They walked their daughters down the aisle, one at a time. They watched as their sons found beautiful wives, and promised to love them forever. The saw their family "go forth and multiple" {Gen.9:7} as their first grandchild (me) was born 21 years ago. They have experienced sorrow as they tore down the house they raised their family in, for safety reasons. They have watched in vain as the farm they worked so hard to create, was reduced to a flaming pile of rubble. They began from scratch, rebuilding a farm and a legacy of hard work & dedication. They stood by and supported their children as difficult decisions were made. They stood by at endless baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, graduations and sporting events, as they watched their children, and then grandchildren grow. And, this September they will welcome their 33 grand child into the world.

In 50 years they have supported, raised, loved, forgave, taught, nursed, cared for, and prayed for, not only one another, but for 8 children, 8 children-in-law, & 33 grandchildren. God willing, they will still be here to see their great grandchildren as well. I would love for my children to one day have the honour of knowing them.

I think my grandparents are too humble to know the legacy they are leaving behind on this Earth. Because of them, their love, generosity, kindness & faith will long outlive them.

Thank you, Nanna & Poppa, for this wonderful gift. I love you!

Emily xo

A {Bank-Breaking} Wedding

A couple I know got married last Saturday. I don't know them well, but what I do know is that they were loving in a home they had been living in together for a while before the got married. I believe that that is wrong, but I am not writing this post in a condemnation in any way...more of just a baffling perspective of what their day must have been like last Saturday.

When I dream of the day I will get married it is not so much the actually wedding day that excites me. It is the sacrament that we receive that seals us as a couple, and 'two become one' {Mark 10:8}. I am also waiting in anticipation of the life that will begin once we are married...I will be able to kiss my love goodnight before I close my eyes, and cuddle up next to them. I will awake the the sight of the person I love most in the world, and spend my days with them. I will serve my husband and he will guide me. And, the love we will share will be new and totally different then the love we shared when we were dating or engaged.

Two things struck me about how the perspective and anticipation of a wedding day are drastically altered when you are already living together.

1. How is your wedding night any different then any other night you have already spent together?
I suppose it really isn't. Not without really trying, anyway. I always imagined my wedding night would be spent in the home we will share...Obviously, depending on the situation that may not be the case. Distance, or honeymoon travel might have us staying in a hotel.
But, if you'd already been living together then the idea of going to your home would be far from exciting. You have to stay somewhere else that night in order to make it special and memorable, and to not risk falling into your regular nightly routine.

Which brings us to number 2...

 No wonder weddings are so expensive now!! If you have already been living together then chances are you have already travelled many places, just the two of you. It also means you have more then likely invited people to your home or hosted parties, as a couple.
Since you have already had parties then you feel a pressure to make your wedding day extraordinary. You feel you need to make this event stand out for you & for your guests, and that often means it needs to be extravagant...and usually that means expensive.
Maybe this is just me, and my simple taste. But, for my honeymoon, where we go is irrelevant. Of course I would like it to be some place we can both enjoy, but if it meant we could spend a few days or a week alone together some place an hour from home I would be happy. But once again, if you have been living together, and travelling together for quite some time before you were married then there is a certain pressure to once again have an extraordinary honeymoon, to some place special and exotic and expensive.

Anyway, let me know what you think...these seem like a reasonable explanation to me.

God bless you,

Emily xo

The Best Place to Fight

Last summer I got my first fishing licence. I have fished before, and where I live, you can fish without a licence until you are 18. But, last summer was the first time I bothered getting one. It had been years since I had been out fishing, and I am totally a water baby, so I couldn't wait to get out.

If I am being totally honest though, the main reason I got one was for my boyfriend. He loves fishing, and wanted to take me. Had it not been for him, I probably wouldn't have gotten out.

So I bought the licence and it arrived in the mail with my Outdoors card a few weeks later, and we went fishing to a small lake near my boyfriend's home. All seemed well and good until we got out on the water.

We started to fight. Over every stupid little thing. And, soon this turned into a pattern every time we went out. By the end of the summer I was fed up and about ready to swear off fishing. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why we could get along fine when we were on land together for hours, but put us in a boat with some fishing rods and we are at each other's throats.

We are both stubborn to a fault, but I was so sick of fighting. And, as this summer approached the memories of fighting while fishing were still fresh in my mind. I was annoyed, but stubborn as ever, and I renewed my fishing licence. I decided we were not going to repeat history, however, and I became determined to be a perfect fishing companion, and not stir the waters, so to speak. I also became determined to figure out why we were fighting.

So I began to think...

When I get angry, annoyed or fed up everyone knows about it. Sometimes, I am ashamed to admit, it is because I throw a fit. But, usually it's because I walk away and throw myself a wee pity party alone somewhere. Pathetic, I know. I am terribly at actually dealing with the situation at hand, and speaking to whoever I am angry with about why I feel the way I do. And, my boyfriend is the same way.

This is the conclusion I drew about fighting and fishing: It is not that we cannot get along it is that when an issue arises we are so used to walking away from the problem that we don't know how to deal with it when we have to stay together. So, we fight and say mean things and get angry because we don't know what else to do.

Maybe fighting in a boat is actually the best place, because there is no escape. We have to sit there and talk it through. This summer is going to be a good one, fishing and all. We are going to learn how to deal with arguments and not walk away, and we are going to grow because of it.

Maybe you should try it too :)

Emily xo

A Crappy Girlfriend? Sigh...

I am not going to lie...I am usually a fairly crappy girlfriend. I love my boyfriend more then I can tell you (or him), and I love that he loves me. I treasure our relationship, and pray that if this is God's will, I will have him forever and we will have our happily ever after.

Buuuuttt...I suck at loving him. I know how he feels the most loved, and I know the things he enjoys and what makes him happy. But, I seem to never ever do any of them, or let him do what he enjoys. Thank heavens he loves me despite all that!

I decided to make a list, mostly for myself, of ten ways I can better love my boyfriend. Keep in mind, these are ways to love him and keep our relationship pure, holy and Christ-centred. Maybe they'll help you too.

1. Pray for him and with him. Often and Always.
This will keep both of us centred on the most important things in life, and we will find a love that is extraordinary when we start doing this.

2. Let him be affectionate.
I do not receive or give love through physical touch of any kind. Hand holding, snuggling, etc. usually drives me crazy. I mean, sometimes I am okay with it, and other times I can tolerate it, but a lot of times it makes me cringe. But, I recognize that that is how he feels loved and shows me he loves me, so sometimes I need to be a bit affectionate and allow him to be affectionate towards me.

3. Make him food.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. They are not lying. It's true. I love baking and cooking, but I rarely make the time to make him a meal or bake for him. I know he loves when I do, so I need to try to make this a priority.

4. Treasure and value him. Hang onto his every word.
I know that he likes when I take the time to sit there and actually listen to what he says. Sometimes, when he is talking about work (he's an electrician) or other guy type things I totally zone out. I find it hard to listen intently when I don't fully understand what he is talking about.
I have realized though, that is doesn't matter if I understand what he's talking about or not. I just need to sit there and listen to him and ask questions. He is taking the time to tell me, so it is important to him and I need to respect that.

5. Do what he enjoys and don't complain.
There are things that my boyfriend enjoys that I have had a really difficult time warming up to. He loves to hunt. I was (and still kind of am) terrified of guns. It is mostly about the loud noise they make. It has taken me a very long time to take even the slightest interest in hunting. But, you know what, I actually kind of enjoy it now. It has been the same with fishing. But I know he loves that I can enjoy these things and that he knows he has a companion in me. That has made it worth every second.

6. Let things go.
I can be very grouchy. Thank heavens he's a patient man! I have a tendency to bring up old issues when I get grouchy. This is sooooo bad! I need to let things go and accept that he is not perfect (but he's darn close). He is allowed to mess up and hurt my feelings by accident once in awhile, and I need to learn to take care of the situation as it happens and forgive and move on.

7. Stop comparing him.
I am a sucker for Romantic Comedies. I love me a good, sappy love story. But, I have to limit myself because the men in those stories are not real and I cannot be comparing my relationship to those. That is so unfair!

8. Ask and value his opinion. About everything.
This is something I think I am getting better at. I need to let him know that I trust our relationship is in his hands and that I trust him to make good decisions for us. I am not saying I cannot have a mind of my own, but he deserves to be asked when there is a decision to be made. Not only that, but his opinion deserves serious consideration. Don't just ask for the sake of asking.

9. Surprise him.
He has told me that he loves when I surprise him. Not with big things or a party, but just if I stop by unexpectedly. I need to remember that he is important, and I can make time in my schedule to stop by his work with breakfast or just for the sake of saying hello.

10. Really date him.
I need to date my boyfriend. He is not to be taken for granted, and I need to remember that. I need to always be fully present when I am with him, and really, really date him!

I hope these maybe help you in your relationships! And, let's all pray that we can treasure the relationships in our lives!

Many blessings,

Emily xo

Sex Before Marriage: Why or Why Not?

This is a touchy subject, I am well aware of that. But, it is also one that I feel is worthy of discussion. This isn't so much about having sex before marriage as it is about when sex has a place and when it doesn't.

Society often portrays the start of a relationship as when you first have sex.We see that in movies all the time. It is after the couple has sex that they become serious and exclusive. I believe that is so wrong, but I also believe that it is societyies way of trying to make right of something that is morally wrong.

Often times Christians will say how terrible it is that society places so little value in sex, and that young men and women often have so many partners before settling down. I agree with that. However, I think that, although there are tons and tons of one night stands, often times serious and exclusive relationships only begin once two people have had sex. That is because their innermost being is calling out in that moment, and they feel a need for the commitment that accompanies that act. Subconsciously, they realize the error in their ways and are striving to make it right by making some sort of commitment to that person, even if it is only for a couple of days, a month or a year.We are trying to make right of something we know, intrinsicly, is wrong.

This is the truth. Yes, that is deep and profound, so get ready!

Marriage is always before sex. Marriage is the commitment of forever. It is promising your entire self to someone for as long as you live. Til death do us part. Sex is like a binding agent. It is like glue. It solidifies something that is already strong, and it deepens the bond between two people. That is why it is so incredibly heart breaking when it is done outside of a commitment as serious as marriage.

Sex is absolutely beautiful.

It is a wonderful gift that we need to treasure. There is nothing dirty or sinful or evil about sex. That comes when sex (like any gift) is used incorrectly. It should be something we defend and guard, for our sake as much as for the person we will one day marry (whom the gift was originally intended for). The bond that is sex cannot be separated from the act. You cannot have sex without a deep, irreplaceable bond, and you cannot have that same bond without having sex.

That last part is where people so often get lost and confused. Our very beings, right to our core, desire sex. That is a good thing. But a thing to be mastered. I am not married, but I am in a relationship, and have been for over 4 years. I love him with every fibre of my being, and I would be lying if I told you that I didn't want the bond with him that comes with sex. However, I am also aware that there is the slightest possibility God will call me to something different before we get married (this could happen even after you are engaged!!), so I don't want to form that bond, only to have it ripped from me. Break ups are heartbreaking enough without adding the tearing of an everlasting bond created during sex.

People often so badly want to solidify their relationship, and feel that deep bond with the one they love that they decide sex is the only way for that. And they are right, sex is the only way for that, but not right now. There is a time and a place for everything, and I promise you that the time for sex is when you are married.

There are phases in every relationship, and if you have ever dated anyone for any length of time you know what I mean. There is a honeymoon type phase in the early days, where everything is butterflies. Eventually that passes, and you may notice things that bother you about the other person and you'll have your first couple fight. Sometimes that is the breaking part for couples. But, if you get through that then you know there will be a time for strengthening and deepening of the relationship as you get to know this person more and more. As each phase passes and another comes along (this happens throughout your whole life, I just touched on a couple) you see your relationship change, flourish, grow, deepen and strengthen. Sometimes, somewhere in there you are called apart, and sometimes you are challenged to go further. In all of it there is a purpose. All of this is part of the journey of falling in love with a person. Once you've made the decision to marry this person, the growth does not stop at the engagement ring. Often times the engagement is the most temptation filled, and trying time (up to this point) in your relationship, and so you must persevere through that as well. Eventually, when you marry this person, that is when you are ready to make a commitment that is everlasting, and that is the place for sex.

To have sex before this point would mess up the natural progress of your relationship and add undo stress, pressure and confusion. Sex is a joining of the body, mind and soul, and belongs only after the sacrament of marriage has been received! That is when it is able to be experienced in it's full glory. Then, and only then.

I encourage all of you to wait. I cannot tell you from experience, but I can tell you from truth...It will be worth it!

Many prayers,

Emily xo

St. Maria Goretti, pray for us!

Why I Refuse 'Tolerance'

Merriam-Webster Definition of:

Tol-er-ance  noun

2 a: sympathy or indulgence for belief or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own
   b: the act of allowing something

Examples of tolerance
-a tolerance for other lifestyles

We live in a world where the only virtue we are permitted to teach our children is tolerance. And, not tolerance as in the above definition of the word, but tolerance as in accepting and not judging the lifestyles, beliefs, opinions and decisions of anyone else. Our society thinks that tolerance means we will live in a peaceful world, where no one bothers anyone else, under the banner of, "whatever works for them is fine, but I choose (fill in lifestyle or belief here)."

That is not what tolerance is. Tolerance is acknowledging that what someone is doing is in fact wrong and putting up with it to avoid further conflict. We do not tolerate things we love or things we approve of...like puppies, or nice days or children. We tolerate things we object to, like an obnoxious co-worker or a head ache or an annoying student. Tolerating those things does not mean we do not deal with them, it just means we put up with them. It does not mean we don't expect more from those people, and we encourage them to act in the way they are. We choose to address it in a respectful and tactful manner.

So, this is why I am objecting to tolerance. I refuse to 'tolerate' (societies meaning of the word) gay marriage, pre-marital or extra-marital sex, and thousands of other morally incorrect things. Today, I want to specifically speak about Gay 'Marriage' and why I refuse tolerance.

About a year or so ago I posted something on my Facebook page about the traditional and right marriage. That is, marriage between one man and one woman only. The feedback I received was appalling  And, keep in mind, this feedback is coming from people I have personal relationships with-family and friends. I could not believe how aggressive people got. One young woman I went to school with even went as far as to say that if I expressed these views publicly in society then I should be prepared for violence and even death. WHAT? Are you kidding me? I should be afraid of someone killing me because I believe in marriage?

But, that's what our world has come to. See, these people (most of whom are Catholic, by the way) who so adamantly agreed that I was being intolerant, disrespectful and judgemental honestly wished death on me. They didn't care what I believe and know to be true, or why I believe it. All they saw was that I was not living up to societies standard of being tolerant of other's lives, no matter what how they live or the decisions they make.

We don't have to accept the things that other people do that are wrong. We don't have to pretend that it is okay with us and that we don't care. We don't accept that a child got beat up on the playground because that is wrong. As Catholics, we believe gay marriage doesn't even exist. It is not a marriage or union of any kind, and if a gay couple choose to live out their lives as such, then it is a sin. Plain and simple. We are not inflicting our beliefs on society by believing that, and we are not at all being intolerant. What we are doing is speaking truth.

I am not saying we need to go about condemning gay couples. Of course we can't do that, because that to is a sin. However, we cannot go about pretending that their lifestyle is fine because it works for them. That too is a sin. Sin impacts the whole of society, even if we cannot see the surface of it. And, our goal, as Catholics, is to be evangelists by our mere existence  and we are not doing that by stooping to societies lie that, 'if it works for you, it's okay with me.'

We need to love gay couples, and show them Christ in that love. We need to care for them and teach them and lead them. We need to not pass judgement, nor encourage them and we definitely don't need to 'tolerate' the way they live! We just need to love them, despite their flaws, sins and imperfections. Love like Jesus loves, because, in reality, we have sins as deep as theirs that just may not be as obvious to the whole world.

I could go on and on about this. But, I challenge all of you to protect marriage in it's true & purest form. Never, ever settle or accept anything less. You are not being judgemental or cruel and you most certainly aren't wrong. Be totally, 100% convicted in what you believe, and share that by how you live out your life. Do not be ashamed for refusing to accept what society thinks in correct, and always speak truth.

Always keep in mind what John 15:18-25 says,

"If the world hates you, just remember that it has hated me first. If you belonged to the world, then the world would love you as its own. But I chose you from this world, and you do not belong to it; that is why the world hates you. Rememeber what I told you: 'Slaves are not greater than their master.' If people persecuted me, they will persecute you too; if they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours too. But they will do all this to you because you are mine; for they do not know the one who sent me. They would not have been guilty of sin id I had not come and spoken to them, as it is, they no longer have an excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also. They would not have been guilty of sin if I had not done amounf then the things that no one else ever did, as it is, they have seen what I did, and they hate both me and my Father. This, however, was bound to happen so that what is written in their Law may come true, 'They hated me for no reason at all.'"

Blessings,
Emily xo

Is Love Enough?

I have always found it a mystery how the English language has only one word for love. It seems like one word is just not sufficient enough to express the true feeling of love.  You can 'love' a lot of things. You can love the way it smells after it's rained, or the taste of ice cream. You can love the look of trees budding in the springtime. You can love the way you feel when you walk barefoot across a grassy field. You can love the thrill of being kissed deeply and passionately for the first time, or the feeling you have when you hold someone's hand. You can love holding a little baby in your arms for the first time, and how warm they feel, cuddled next to your heart. You love your boyfriend or girlfriend or fiancée or spouse. You love your children more each passing day. You can love being in love. And, we love God.

And, there is one, single word to describe all of those different feelings. If you have ever fallen in love with someone, then you know that that feeling is entirely one of it's own, and is in no way close to the feeling of eating your favourite food, or the feeling you have about your dearest friend. I have never been a mother, but I know if you ask one they will tell you that the love they feel for their children is yet again totally of it's own, and very unlike the feelings of love they have for their spouse. If you ask any Christian, they will tell you they love God above all, but they use the same word to describe their feeling toward the Almighty God as to tell you about their favourite dessert. Love.

I was thinking about this the other day, and pondering how seemingly unfair it is that our vocabulary is so restricted in this way. I also thought that, if our language provided only one word to express all these feelings, then is it wrong to use it so freely? I mean, people always say, "hate is a strong word.", but is love not even stronger? So, shouldn't we be more careful about how we use the word love, then how we use the word hate? The more I thought about it though, I realized something else. Maybe it isn't all that unfair after all. Maybe it is just right.

Here's what I have concluded... We do not need hundreds of words to describe the hundreds of different feelings we have towards many, many things. God is love. If that is true (which I believe it is), then we cannot have love without God. That means that everything we 'love' is a reflection of the love that God is. We need to love everything then, right?

Really though, our lives are meant to reflect and shine the love of God, and the best, most successful way of doing that is by loving. Think of the most truly joyful person you know. Chances are they love everything. Literally.That is because they have the beautiful ability to see God in absolutely everything. They may not even know that that is what they are doing, but the love of Christ is so deeply rooted within their souls that they cannot help it. We need to love loving, and we need to love even when we hate.

So, maybe, just maybe, love is actually 100% accurate.

-Emily xo

A New Mr. and Mrs.

On Saturday, May 4th, Troy and I attended a beautiful wedding ceremony for friends of mine. I could barely contain my joyful tears as I watched Sarah's father walk her, a stunningly beautiful bride, down the aisle of the lovely Church, as the musicians played a lively, gorgeous song. Beneath her veil, Sarah's face glowed. When they reached the end of the aisle her father lifted the long veil from her face, kissed her cheek and  gave her away. 

But, the most beautiful part was Tyler's face as he watched his bride walk down the aisle toward him. The love for her was so evident in his eyes and in his smile. It made my heart happy to witness the kind of beautiful love he had for her. 

The rest of the ceremony was wonderful. The love Tyler and Sarah had for one another was so clear. And, even more clear was their love for God. They loved Him first, and loved one another because of Him. That is the greatest gift of all.

Congratulations Tyler and Sarah! My love and prayers are with you as you begin your new life together! 

-Emily xoxo

Dear Boys

My younger sister is in high school & is boy crazy. I know that this is nothing profound. Most high school girls are boy crazy, and she is no exception. But, it's funny being six years older then she is & witnessing the boy-craziness with an outside perspective, and it is definitely igniting a fiery passion in me to protect her poor little heart.

High school wasn't all that long ago for me, and I don't think high school boys have changed that much. So I know what it's like, and I decided to write a letter to all the boys that will date my little sisters. Here goes...

Dear boys who will date my little sisters,

I am sure you're a nice boy. I am sure you have good, pure intentions (or at least you better). And, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. But, that doesn't mean I won't give you a hard time. Don't take it personally, I am just being a big sister.

I know my sister in a way you will never have the privilege of knowing her. I have a bond with her that you will never separate, and at the end of the I will be here for her when you can't. When you hurt her feelings, or when she's angry with you, she will come to me, and if you break her heart, I will be here cleaning up the mess you walk away from. When she's trying up with a birthday gift to knock your socks off, I will be the one she calls. And when you first reach for her hand, I will be the one she tells.

No matter how old you are when you meet her, I knew her and loved her first. And, she will always be my baby sister. I fought with her first, hurt her feelings first, told her I loved her first, held her hand first. Before you knew how she felt about you, I knew. Before she first smiled at you, she smiled at me. And, before she met you, I held her when she cried. I told her stories late at night to make her smile and get her to sleep. I read her Franklin a hundred time. And before she is your girlfriend, she is my sister, and I will always protect her heart.

If she loves you, I love you. If she spends every second of every day talking about you, I talk about you too. I may never tell you, but you are important to me because you make her smile in a way I never can. She loves you in a love that makes her insides have butterflies and makes her heart happy. And I would never, ever wish that love away.

So, treat her like the princess she is. When she's angry, thank God for her passionate spirit. It's a family trait you'll never weed out of her. When she cries, hold her, wipe away the tears, and tell her you love her. When she's stressed out, bring her chocolate, and pray with her. When she tells you secrets, hold them close to your heart, and recognize the honour it is to know her heart that way, because not many do.

Pray with her and for her. She deserves a prince, and if you can rise to the occasion, pray for your own heart also. Pray for the strength to love her purely and innocently. Pray for guidance and discernment in your relationship. And, pray God will make you a man worthy of her heart.

I know that if you're dating her you already know how wonderful she is. How beautiful, how stunning, how faithful, how passionate, how caring and how sweet. As time passes you will learn her every fault, and every good point. Each day you will discover more and more about her. That is a blessing. Love everything good about her, but don't love her because of the good things. Love her because she is human, and because she messes up. And love her through absolutely everything.

If you have the honour of holding her heart, for this moment, for a season or for a lifetime, remember the gift God has given you, and treasure it. Remember to care for it and to always call it to growth, and to be better and better with each passing day. Challenge her. And never forget how you won her heart, because when all else fails, go back to that moment and remind her why she feel in love with you by your actions.

If this relationship is new, let me tell you a secret. If you want to win her heart, you have to win all of us...yes, all 10 of us. If you can get a place of honour in the hearts of our parents, of me, of our 4 brothers and our 3 other sisters, then you will get a greater place of honour in her heart. This is no easy task, but if you are right for her, you will accept this challenge, and work so hard for it because you know how worth it it will be.

And, just so you know, flowers and chocolate are always a good idea. Never listen to what she says...she really does want them. Unless she's on a diet. Then just go with the flowers. :)

Lastly, and most importantly, take her to Mass and love God wayyyy more then you love her. This is crucial to a good, holy relationship. You will be able to love her with a depth you've never known if you always put God first. And, you'll get some wonderful love in return. And, your relationship will be greater then either of you have ever dreamt.

I hope to get to know you better, and I hope for your sake that I like you. I'm just kidding...If she does, I will. But treat her right, okay? No need for a broken heart here. You know her fiery passion, and you don't want it aimed at you. Trust me. I have experience.

I am praying for you. Just know that, even if I give you a hard time, I am always praying. Because, at the end of the day, she's my little sister and I adore her, and I am trusting you with a piece of her heart.

Love,

Emily

"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child."

-Linda Sunshine