What is the Purpose?

In the last month I have finished college and began my first career as a Personal Support Worker in a privately owned Long Term Care facility in a neighbouring town. I have been car searching and apartment looking and there has been a lot of change in my life in the last four weeks. I don't love change, but I have to say I consider myself very privileged to be experiencing this right now in my life because with all the things I dislike about change, this change in my life has brought along a sense of purpose.

That may sound silly, because at first it did to me too.

As I began this new job I realized something that set me apart from most of the people I was caring for. Yes, there are obvious things like my ability to care for myself, my age, etc. But, there was something else too. As I reflected on this I realized that it was my sense of purpose.

See, all of the people I work with have lost some physical or mental ability to provide care for themselves at home, or the person who once provided it is gone or is no longer able to. That is a difficult place to be in, and often not one that is given much regard. I think we are all just quick to assume that people in facilities like this one don't have the same feelings we might if we were in their shoes. We chalk up their supposed inability to feel to age, or functioning capacity. That isn't true though.

In the last month I have encountered many people who feel so lost. They question their purpose, their value, the point in their life. And, many wish their days away because they become so consumed by this thought. Part of that is situational, of course. I mean, if they had the physical ability to live on their own, be active and do what they please then they may not be feeling these things. But, part of it is societal.

What do I mean by that?

Well, society has lessened the value that was once placed on aging. Years ago, there was a certain reverence, if you will, when it came to aging. People saw an aging person as someone to be treasured, respected and cared for. Over time that view has shifted and we are beginning to think of aging as something to be pitied. Be try, desperately and unsuccessfully to preserve youth and to prolong the inevitable aspects of the passing of time. And then, once you've reached a magic age, or you've lost some physical or mental ability the way people look at you changes.

Instead of an active grandmother who loved fiercely and worked hard they see an old lady who's losing touch with reality, they see your ailments and you become defined by them. People see you age and assume things about you. They no longer see any part of your identity other than your age and loss of ability.

We assume people don't notice when how we look at them changes. That isn't true. They notice, and they are hurt. And, they try desperately to prove you wrong. But, with more time passing that becomes more and more challenging. And eventually, they begin to believe the look they see in our eyes. They begin to identify themselves by what they can no longer do rather than by all the successes they've had and trials they have overcome in their life. It's as if the past is no longer relevant and they become consumed by their present state.

So, they lose their sense of purpose. Because their purpose once was obvious to the world...they were a mother, a father, a farmer, a nurse, a teacher, a coach, a military man, a grandmother and someone's hero. The world saw that without much effort in trying to show them. Now though, what the world sees is ailments and struggles. The past is hidden beneath physical loss and the world no longer cares to reveal and find out, and they no longer have the ability to reveal it to us. Without a purpose being outwardly evident to everyone they encounter it becomes difficult to see it for themselves...and they begin to ask...

What is my purpose?

I can't even walk, what can I offer to the world?

I can't speak anymore, what can I do for those around me?

 

We, as a society, have taught the aging population to think of themselves as defined by their ability to do. That isn't what purpose is. We need to change this definition so people no longer lose their sense of purpose with the passing of time. That isn't true, and it is far from fair.

Purpose is being, not doing. Elisabeth Kulber Ross {author of On Death and Dying} says, when speaking to a dying woman who has lost her ability to use language and her body,

"If you can regard this as a challenge, and not as a threat or a punishment or something negative, but as a real challenge...Do you think it's more important to run around the house, using the broom and cleaning windows? Or is there also a purpose in learning how to receive? And letting your children mother you a little bit, now that you have mothered them for so many years? Don't you think that teaches them something? Every day you can give your children to take care of you and to see your courage and your love is a gift to them. And you cheat them out of all these experiences if you're afraid to receive."

Dr. Kubler-Ross and Blessed Mother Teresa

I think she says it so beautifully. There is a real purpose in letting others care for you. Not only does it teach you to accept and receive help (which is incredibly humbling) but it also teaches those who are caring for you about courage, love and compassion. We don't ever want anyone cheated out of that purpose.

I really encourage you to be thankful for the purpose and identity you have right now in your life and to also be fully aware of the purpose you may not be able to physically see or identify in yourself  and in others. Look deeply and seek to find the face of Christ in every face you encounter; and there you will find purpose.

Emily xo

 

Video of Dr. Kubler-Ross speaking to the dying woman

{Disclaimer: I make a lot of generalizations in this post & I realize that. I know not every elderly or disabled person views themselves in this manor, and I also realize not everyone who views themselves in this way are disabled or elderly. We all struggle with finding purpose. I am also aware that a lot of people do see the purpose in elderly people, disabled people and in everyone they encounter. Again, I am just speaking in general terms and from my experiences. There are always exceptions, of course}

Does He?

Being in college I has opened my eyes over the last 7 months. Not in a great way...

Lately I have been thinking about all the heart ache the girls in my class have experienced. I cannot believe the ups and downs some of these girls have gone through in just seven months, all at the expense of meaningless relationships, marriages that have been tossed away, endless one night stands with a constant parade of men and being the mistress to a married man. It makes me so sad.

I have been in the past few weeks how I keep my relationship strong, how I don't have sex and how I keep my relationship pure and wholesome. Here is my list of dos and don'ts when meeting men. I hope this helps!

Does he...

1. Respect you when you tell him you want to keep your relationship pure?

For me, I knew Troy and I would work out because he didn't laugh in my face when I told him on one of our early dates that I have no intention of sleeping with him (unless of course we got married first). Instead he agreed with me.

2. Care about your family?

I am Catholic, so I remember my Mom saying that she knew Troy was a good man when he would pray the Rosary with my family. But, it doesn't have to be prayer. Does he invest in getting to know your family, does he treat them well?

3. Look at you as if you are a princess?

You can tell by a man's eyes if he is looking at you lustfully or with awe, amazement and awareness of the dignity and respect you deserve. He should look at you like you're glass that might break, like your a prized jewel, like you truly are a princess.

4. Ask you about sex or push you to go just a little further?

If yes, stay AWAY!! Never let anyone make you uncomfortable or compromise your standards. At the end of the day you want to look in the mirror at yourself and be proud of what you stand for, not be disappointed because you've let someone talk you into something you never wanted.

5. Ask how you are?

You need to know he cares about you, as a person. He should ask how you are, listen when you tell him and he should want to solve all of your problems {even when he can't, he should desire to}.

6. Make you a better person?

It's important to be very aware of who you are with certain people. This goes for friends and boyfriends. Make sure you like the person you are when you are with him. Make sure when you are not with him you would still approve of who you become when you are with him. He should make you a better version of yourself, but not change you into someone you never wanted to be.

7. Make you smile?

This may seem silly, but it's a good point. You want to smile and enjoy one another. If he doesn't make you smile then chances are he'll make you sad (maybe not now, but in the long run). Of course, you won't smile all the time, but can he bring a smile out of you even when you feel miserable?

8. Bring you closer to God?

Pray together, attend Mass together, pray for each other. Pray is important for personal growth and it's definitely important for the growth of your relationship. If you build a foundation on God you cannot fail.

9. Fight for you?

Don't put him in the position to have to fight over you, but will he fight for you? If the world gets rough and you slip away, if everything crashes down and you push him away, will he fight? You never want to be in a relationship where both people aren't willing to fight. You can't have marriage without being willing to fight temptation, lust, hate, anger, frustration, sadness, depression, faithlessness, sorrow and grief for the sake of saving your relationship.

10. Love you?

There is a difference between needing someone and loving them. Especially for young people, often times the perceived need for a relationship is greater than the actual love you have for the other person. Be sure he loves you AND needs you. Be sure he loves you because you have faults, not because you are wonderful.

11. Forgive you?

Trust me, you'll mess up. Probably a million times you'll mess up. Does he forgive you for messing up? He should not only tells you he forgives you, but show up by not holding them against you in a future heated argument. Do the same for him.

12. Let you grow?

It's important when you are dating to be constantly discerning your relationship. Sometimes God calls you away for a time or forever. It's scary, but it's necessary to discern because once you are married you are 100% committed, until death does you part. You need a man who will let you grow because he knows the importance of discerning your relationship too.

13. Love God more?

God is love. The love in your relationship cannot be full or complete unless you both love God. It seems lots of time spiritual leadership falls in the women's shoulders. Don't let it. You both need to love God more, individually, than you love one another. And, then, and only then, will your love for one another reflect God's love of you.

                                

I hope this helps you & I hope you are having a holy Lent.

Many blessings,

Emily xo

Impending Doom...

Lent began on Wednesday. I hope yours is going well so far. 

Today, I was thinking about how I feel about Lent. When I know Lent is approaching I feel my heart fill with impending doom... I suppose it's natural. I mean, I am human. I don't like to be uncomfortable. Who does? I like eating what I want, when I want it and to drink what I please and to do things that are excessive and fun. So, of course the thought of Lent is somewhat depressing... I am about to make choices about how I will be uncomfortable for, not an hour or two or even a week or two, but for 40 days. That's a long time.

Please, tell me I am not the only one who feels this way! Please!

Although it's human nature to enter Lent with these feelings it doesn't mean it is good for me. My goal this Lent is to view it with more joy. To just be altogether more joy-filled. So, how will I do this you ask?

1. I once had a priest who used to say that we should live this Lent as if it's our last. Now, that doesn't sound all that joyful. But, I need to start viewing this Lent as my last opportunity to re-shape my spirituality & to create the Emily that God intended. That should be a task that is delightful (hard- but amazing!)! 

2. Remind myself, ALL THE TIME, that my fasting from meat, cleaning the bathroom or waking up early are a wimpy little sacrifices in comparison to say, dying on a cross.

3. Viewing Lent as an opportunity, not a task. This is a chance to let God kick my spiritual butt & whip me into shape. It's a chance to make changes and become better.

4. Count my blessings. Lent tends to consume us (or, at least me) with thoughts of what we are doing without and we often forget that we have been given so much. I mean, just look around yourself right now. I can make a list a mile long of all the things around me I am thankful for, but I never view the world in that way. If I take time to count my blessings this Lent I will be unable to contain my joy. 

How will you find joy this Lent?

Emily xo

St. Valentine, Pray for Us!

It's Saint Valentine's Day today. On my way to class early this morning I was reflecting on all the love I have received in the last 22 years. My parents have a beautiful marriage, and my siblings and I are products of their love. God has loved me into being, He has loved me through the rough homeschooling years when I was nothing but a terror for my poor mother, He has loved me when I was broken and alone and was by my side as I navigated the dreadful high school hallways, He loved me as I left home for the first time, He loved me through and despite every mistake, and He made me new again.

Between those 2 examples alone I have had more than enough fruitful and wholesome examples of love to look up to. I am thankful for that. Five years ago I fell in love for the first time. He too has loved me through many hard time, and has been with me as I grew into adulthood. He has seen me at my very best and he has seen me at my very worst, and still he loves me.

Love really is a gift. And, I realized this morning that I am so incredibly blessed by the love I receive from my parents, from God, from Troy, from my sisters and brothers and through my friends. And, I think I was, unknowingly, taking for granted that love. Until this morning.

I thought about the girls in my class (there is something like 38 students, and only 2 men...) on my way to the school this morning. Many have boyfriends, or friends with benefits... many have children and they are all preparing for careers that will require giving a whole lot of love.

But there is something else I have noticed. Many of them are barely 30, and have at least one child (which is beautiful), but of those who have children I would say probably only 2 of them are married. That is sad, but what saddens me even more is that most have them have been married. They are 30 years old (or younger), have a family and divorce papers. It's hard to keep an optimistic view of marriage in our world when this is becoming the norm.

So, what went wrong? It's hard to say, I guess. But, I have discovered that maybe it isn't so hard to pinpoint after all... love has become disposable. We are lending a hand in this divorce epidemic by presenting the view to the world that love isn't something that needs time or work. We cannot sugar-coat relationships or provide advice that consists of the sentence, "Maybe you have just fallen out of love with him." We need to be real, and honest. Love is a choice that is made in every moment of every day. And, love is impossible without God. Yes, impossible. I am not saying it's harder without God, or different without God. It is truly impossible without God IS love...without Him love cannot exist in our world. Not only is God the maker, creator and giver or love, but He is also the perfect example of love. He never gives up on us...and we are as imperfect as imperfect can get. We need to seek after His wisdom and example and enter every relationship in life with the understanding that romance is not present every moment of life, and we may have a crappy day or our friend, spouse, parent or sibling may treat us terribly sometimes (guarantee you treat them like crap sometimes too!) or you just may not feel in love. But love is more than a feeling...it's a choice and the result of it is more beautiful and miraculous than you could ever imagine.

Make sure people in your life know you love them today... even if you don't feel like it.

St. Valentine, please pray for us.

Emily xo

Is Valentine's Day a Silly Celebration?

You probably noticed that as soon as Christmas was over the store shelves were cleared of all things red, gold and green and they were quickly replaced with pink and white hearts and candies. Our world has become consumed with Valentine's day, and it has absolutely nothing to do with St. Valentine {who really is deserving of some attention here, come on!}.

But, I think often times we are quick to brush off Valentine's day as nothing more than ridiculous, and added pressure to do something special for those we love. But, here is what I think

1. We should not find it burdensome to celebrate our love. We are called to love...to love everyone around us. I don't think it is silly, or stupid to take a day to acknowledge your love of your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. Look at is as an added opportunity to serve and love them {St. Valentine died rather than renounce his faith in God. His love was larger than life, and a beautiful example of how we need to sacrifice to love more deeply}.

2. Love deserves celebration. Love is hard work, sacrifice and a lot of the time it can be downright difficult and unpleasant. But, it is worth it. God designed us for love...to give and to receive love. He never promised an easy, merry-go-round romance, but He did promise His love would be infinite and unconditional. Take a moment and look at your life. How has He proven that love to you {not that we need anymore proof, He died on the cross for us for goodness sake!}? Is it in the face of your spouse, in the eyes of your Mother, in the smile of your boyfriend? The love God has given us is worth celebrating.

3. Valentine's Day is an opportunity for honoring. When I was on NET they instilled in us the critical importance of loving AND honoring one another. In big ways and in small ways, honoring one another to show our appreciation and gratefulness for their life and all they have done. In 1 Peter 2:17 it says, "Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood.". We need to show our love, respect and appreciation for those whom we love. Valentine's day offers an opportunity to show that. 

So ladies, don't say the all too familiar line, suggesting Valentine's day is stupid and not worth acknowledging. And gentlemen, don't say it's a secular world's way of pressuring men into buying flowers and chocolate. It is more. It's a celebration of something that's hard, beautiful and worthwhile and a celebration of someone who is wonderful, and deserving of being celebrated. Ladies, celebrate your husband, boyfriend, sister, best friend, and parents. Men, celebrate your wives, girlfriends, mothers and sisters. 

St. Valentine, pray for us!

Emily xo

Some Valentine's Pins-piration

Happy Tuesday...

Saint Valentine's day is approaching...here's some themed pins for you that I enjoyed over the last week!

       1. I am certainly going to have to make this on Feb. 14th!!
       2. I just thought this was beautiful.
       3. Isn't her hair great? This style would be great for your date this year.
       4. How could I not include this?
       5. Just a perfect little image.
       6. I thought this was so neat. A subtle little reminder from God that His love is everywhere, even when
       we least expect it.
       7. And, just a reminder that on the most romantic day of the year there is a King who loves us perfectly.
       I would love this for my home.

Emily xo

23 Things

A few days ago I read a blog post, written by some 22 year old woman who thinks she has the answers to solving divorce rates....

Her post, maybe you also saw it, was a list of 23 things to do before the age of 23, instead of getting married. When I noticed the title of her post I was intrigued. I wondered why someone would make a list of things to do instead of getting married. As if life and marriage are two separate things that we have to choose between. So, I read her post, intrigued by what this stranger had to say about what I should do with my life in the next year.

In a month I will turn 22 years old. Up to this point in my life I have traveled to the Dominican Republic for the most beautiful, life changing experience I have ever had. I have completed high school, and have 4 months left until I graduate from college. I have moved across the country, away from my family, where I lived and volunteered for a year and met some of my best friends. I have fallen in love with my very best friend, and we plan on getting married. I have healed the relationships with my siblings and have become real friends with my sisters and brothers. I have stood next to my aunt on the day of her wedding, and watched her husband's face light up. I have held 2 sweet baby boys on the day they were baptized and I am so thankful I have the honour of being their Godmother. I have had the awful experience of finding out my best friend had been hurt and violated, and I am thankful she allowed me to be her shoulder as we worked through her healing process for two years. I have driven from Ontario to Alberta, and got to see the wonder of Lake Superior. I have splashed in the icy waves of the Atlantic Ocean and seen the splendor of God' creation as we explored the Hopewell Rocks. I have seen the beauty of the sun rising over the mountains that the stunning springtime in Vancouver. I have seen the great ships  on the Pacific Ocean. And, I have found a full, deep and satisfying relationship with my King.

When I take inventory of my life over the last 22 years I am thankful and I am satisfied.

I think this article that this young woman wrote was sad. It wasn't a list of things she's thrilled to have accomplished, or that she is thankful for. It's a list of emptiness. Standing naked in front of a window and making out with a stranger are not things you will look back on and remember with happiness. They are not life-altering, profound moments that will make you search your soul. They will not make you a better, more well rounded person. They will make you empty. They will make your soul yearn for something greater. They will not be memories of happiness, but regretted mistakes.

As sad as this post was, I realized something...this girl wasn't all wrong. There are things you should do before getting married. Being married young, at 23, isn't for everyone. Heck, some people won't meet the person they'll marry until they're much older than 23. But, I think that there is a list of things to do, for your entire life, so you are ready, totally and completely, to walk down the aisle at whatever age God calls you to. I believe age is irrelevant.

Here is my list of things to do before you get married...

- Know who God is. This starts at childhood, if you're lucky. Before you are prepared to walk down the aisle you need to know God. God is love. I know, you probably heard that a million times. But, say it out loud. God is love. The very definition of God is love and we cannot love ourselves or another person until we know what love is.

-Define love. Once you know that God is love, and you know what God's love looks like then you need to define love. For you, what does mimicking God's love look like. Here's an example- my definition of love is willing the total good for the soul of another. What's yours?

-Know who you are. I don't mean have a vague idea. I mean really know. Know God, and ask Him to show you who you are, ask Him to reveal to you who He created you to be. This is a life journey. You will constantly be discovering who you are. But, know who you are, right now, in this moment.

These things will take you more time than going to the Philippines for the Chinese New Year. For some people forming these things begins in early childhood. For others, discovering who God is won't even begin until they're 25. It's individual. It's not for you to decide what the standard is for what we should and should not do when we're 23... Life's too short to define it with silly things. Get your soul to Heaven...get the soul of each person you love to Heaven. Don't worry about the rest.

I am so afraid young women around the world will read that blog post and they will look at their lives and be unsatisfied. Define your life by precious moments, not by how rebellious you've been or how many boys you've kissed.

God bless you!

Emily xo

It's Not Just About A Right

I am fairly certain this video is making it's way around every social media outlet, but if you haven't wacthed it yet, please do.

It's beautiful.

p.s. go get yourself some kleenex first!

http://www.faithit.com/this-is-what-abortion-looks-like-when-it-doesnt-work-youre-not-gonna-believe-this/

Emily xo

Am I Lovable?

Earlier this month I posted a blog called, Am I Enough? I suppose you could consider this one a follow up to that.

Am I lovable?

This is something I am sure most of you feel faced with regularly, either consciously or unconsciously. I know it is for me. As I talked about in my previous post, it is often a battle in our hearts to feel that we are enough, that we have enough & that we do enough. Along with that comes the question of whether or not we are worthy of the things in life we do recieve, or if where we have been & what we have done are enough to destroy and otherwise bright & hopeful future.

The short answer is no. Nothing we have ever done or could ever do will be enough to make us unlovable.

However, that doesn't stop us from sometimes feeling unlovable. This can be in our relationships, in our families or with God. We get so caught up in how we have failed those around us and failed God that we deem ourselves unlovable. That's a dangerous trap, set by the devil.

The moment we see ourselves as unlovable we open ourselves up to be Satan's little workshop. We are now putty in the ends of the most evil, and he will exploit & ruin us. See, if we deem ourselves unlovable then he tempts us by saying, "You're right, no one can love you after where you've been & what you've done. There is no point is trying to heal those broken parts of you or fix those damaged places. Just give up."

That is the worst thing we can do. We cannot just give up on improving ourselves. We are human and we were made in God's image, therefore He will always love us. Always. We cannot understand that love because our hearts do not reach that capacity. With that in mind we have to remember that we are not perfect & that we sin. AND- we have to remember that since our hearts are not capable of great love like God's is we cannot rely on the love in human relationships to withstand every test. That is why we need God, because no human can love is like He does.

We are always, always lovable. But we cannot relay on our spouses, children, friends, parents, boyfriends or grandparents to reveal that to us. We need God.

Tomorrow is the first Sunday of Advent. As we prepare for our Saviour's birth ask Him to help prepare your heart & fix the broken parts. Ask Him to show you that you are loved.


Please know you are very lovable, despite your brokenness.

Emily xo

May God Have Mercy

Over the past two days I have attended the wake and funeral for a good friend of my boyfriend's family. I first met this beautiful, kind woman five years ago when Troy and I began dating. I quickly liked her and felt bonded to her and her husband. Their house was always warm and welcoming and their hearts were always full of love. She lost her battle with cancer last Thursday and her family and friends are still grieving...

Yesterday their tiny Church was filled to the seams with people who loved her, and it was a lovely service. We sat a few seats behind her husband and her family and I wanted to share with you what I observed from my seat.

As I watched her husband standing at the end of his pew, with his son on one side my heart broke for him. His gaze never wavered from the large image of his beautiful wife, projected on the wall of the Church. I realized something as I watched him... For all the years of his marriage his wife had been next to his side when things were the hardest and he needed someone's support. They were partners is every sense of the word, and the very best of friends. Yes, they had other friends of course, but at the end of the day when they needed a shoulder to cry on or words of encouragement they had one another. That is a beautiful gift.

Now though, he faced the hardest thing he's ever encountered. He lost his partner, his other half and his best friend. He didn't have her shoulder to cry on or hand to hold when the world handed him the hardest of pills to swallow. He now has to face the most life-altering changes he's ever experienced and he has to learn to live without the love of his life. That's the hardest thing- when all the dust has settled and everyone's gone home, he's left alone. He doesn't have his wife to sit next to and lean on. He doesn't have his best friend to encourage him to find the strength to go own...

Where do you go from there? How do you learn to live?

I wish I knew the answer to that and I wish I could heal the heartache. I don't though...only God can heal the most broken parts of us in those moments. Only God can bring us up from the darkest of days. Thankfully this man knows Him. Otherwise, how do you go on? If you don't believe you can lean on our Jesus, who knows the pain we feel, then where do you turn?

I know this is a sad post, but it's worth sharing. It provides us with something to think about.

Emily xo
May God have mercy on her soul!

The Most Beautiful Place

Last weekend Troy and I marked 4 years and 8 months of dating. Typically we aren't big celebrants of the passing months. However, last weekend we wanted to do something we hadn't had a chance to do yet this fall. We hiked up to a lookout point in the town near where he grew up. It was a beautiful day for the middle of October, and a perfect day for the hike and to look at the leaves.

There is absolutely no better way to mark the passing of time in our relationship, and the love God's given us, then to spend in the midst of His creation. I wanted to share a few of the photos we took so you could enjoy the beauty as well.

Apparently I didn't walk quickly enough...there was a lot of "What the heck are you doing?" "Take bigger steps!" "Are you tired?" Haha- I may be the world's slowest walker, but I did enjoy the sights. And, I have the photos to prove it!

Look how handsome he is! I am so blessed!

It was unbelievabley gorgeous- Although, incredibly nerve wracking with the combination of a girl terrified of heights and a dare-devil boy.

It was so peaceful. It reminds you that the simple moments are the best, and that the quiet times are the greatest blessings.

It was amazing to see God's creating unscathed. There was no graffiti decorating the rocks, no tall building blocking our view, no loud trucks rumbling by. Although, there was a little bit of garbage (don't litter!) that we were saddened to see, it was mostly perfect. 

What a goof. Smile nicely for a picture, ya right!

Isn't it stunning?

Pride rock? 

Fall was the perfect time to go. The leaves were lovely.

Love Conquers All

When I was on NET (see the NET Ministries tab at the top if you aren't familiar with NET) there was a huge emphasis, not only on youth ministry, but also on team life. Since I was living in close quarters with my five team members, and seeing them literally every day all day it was crucial I learn what being a member of a team really is.

I mean, I have been parts of groups and organizations before, but nothing compared to this. We would always joke that it's like marriage preparation. During our training for NET there was also training specifically on how to love our team members, even when we hated them. It's a funny statement, I know. But, how do we do that? How do we love someone who is so completely different than us and with who we are constantly butting heads?

It is hard.

Loving like Jesus loves, seeing Jesus in those around us and loving Him in that other person, praying for grace to love even when it's hard, and making everything you do about sacrifice is the only way one can do this. Every morning I prayed for my team. I prayed for their needs, for their desires, for the burdens on their hearts. I prayed that I would know how to love them that day, and that my love would help heal their broken pieces. I prayed that God would have mercy on my brokenness every day. I begged Him to teach me, every day, how to love like He loves. I asked for the grace to see His face in the face of my team mates, even at the heart of a heated disagreement. And, I made my life about sacrifice. I learned how to give up myself to serve my teammates. Jesus opened my heart to see that the ultimate sacrifice was His death on the cross for my sins, and that my entire life needed to be a series of sacrifices, small in comparison to the cross, that would ultimately lead me and those I encounter to the foot of His cross, with open arms and an open heart.

We referred to the girls on the team as the "sisterhood" and the boys as the "brotherhood". Not only did I try to constantly serve my sisters and brothers on my team individually, but we also tried to serve as a 'hood. The girls would get together and plan something to honour, thank and life up our brothers. We wrote them songs, cooked for the, brought them coffees, and had nerf gun wars with them. We also made sure they could have time together, as brothers, to bond. And, our brothers did the same for us. They made us gifts, brought us roses, wrote us notes, thanked us for our love and opened doors. It didn't matter if it was big or small things, but we made a point of serving one another.

So what did this do? Not only did my relationship with each of my team members become strengthened, but they also lead and challenged my to get closer to Jesus, and have a new zeal for faith. We now live in all corners of the country and are doing many different things...one is in the seminary, one is in school, one is working for NET...we are all separated by miles and time. However, the relationship I have with each of them is deeper than any friendship I have ever had in my life. I know, without a doubt, that they pray for me. I know the moment I need them they will be here-in person or in prayer. I know I can confide in them and seek wisdom from them. I know they will love me, despite any difference we have or argument we encounter. I know that because of how our relationships were formed on NET that we are as close as family.

I believe having a common faith is the greatest gift in any relationship-be it dating of friendship. It allows a whole new depth, dimension and meaning to the relationship. It eases any doubt that you will be abandoned by them, or that you will get hurt. You know that any rift or separation that forms in your relationship can be bridged because, at the end of the day, you both come back to the same values, to the same God.

That is the greatest gift.

So I challenge you, with your spouse or boyfriend, best friend and worst enemy...serve them. Do little, extraordinary things. Make sure they know you love them, and that you are leading them to the cross. Make sure they know you're always calling them to greater, more beautiful things. And, above all, pray for them. Love them even when they hate you, and especially when you hate them. Love them passionately, deeply, perfectly and beautiful. Love them with the grace of God because Jesus is in them.

To my beautiful team...I adore you, thank you for all you've taught me. I am praying for you, always.

Emily xo

What do we have to be Thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving weekend, Canada!

What are you thankful for?

and so, so much more!

May many blessing be poured upon you and your family as you count your blessings this Thanksgiving!

Emily xo

The Privilege of Womanhood-Being A Mother

Motherhood is an amazing gift! And, one given specifically to women. Clearly, I am not a mother, so my knowledge of this particular subject may be somewhat limited. However, I have a mother, and I have seen my Mother throughout numerous pregnancies. I feel I do have a wee bit of insight into this privilege.

First of all, pregnancy. I have heard several women complain about the strains & sorrows associated with being pregnant. And, I have no doubt that it is not all roses & butterflies. Trust me, I have seen my Mother make a beeline to the bathroom, mid-meal, in those early months (& sometimes later months, as well) of pregnancy. Nothing about that screams, "It's a blast!"

However, I am a glass half full kind of gal. While I acknowledge the sometimes awful side effects of pregnancy, I refuse to define pregnancy by them. I think that there are far too many lovely things about those first 9 months of motherhood to get caught up in the sickness, exhaustion, and uncomfortable-ness of it all.

First of all-YOU ARE GROWING ANOTHER PERSON. How phenomenal is that? Your body is housing, nourishing & comforting a tiny little person, conceived (hopefully) out of pure, honest & wholesome love. For me, that in & of itself is enough to convince me of the privilege of motherhood. I do realize though, that is not enough for some.

How about getting to feel this little one grow & develop. I remember being at ultrasounds with my Mom and hearing the baby's heartbeat! What an incredible gift! And, placing my hand on my Mom's stomach while the little one pushed a fist or foot against my hand. Nothing beats that. Seriously.

Now, this part I have no real experience with, as I have never actually had a baby. So, I am relaying on the information from my Mom, aunts, friends and grandmothers. Labour is probably the most painful thing you'll ever endure, I do not doubt that. But, I do marvel at how truly amazing it is that our bodies are designed in such a way that this is possible. Really though, it is amazing that our bodies can endure such extreme pain, push with such force, and in a matters of hours, present the world with a crying little infant. 

And, I am told that the memory of how extreme the labour pain is, leaves within moments of giving birth. I am not saying you totally forget about the pain...I mean you have the cuts, blood & stretch marks to remind you. However, our brains are programmed in such a way that we do not remember the severity of the pain. (I mean, if we did, no one would have more then 1 child).

It just amazes me how our baby & our bodies tell us exactly what to do, and essentially, prepare for the delivery of this child by themselves. It really is incredible. 

And, once you old that new little one in your arms, how could you regret even one second?

How stinking cute?!

Okay, and lastly, the privilege of Motherhood as your children grow. There is no denying that being a Mom is a lot of work. Heck, I put my Mom through the ringer! However, I have never heard a Mother say she wished she was anything else. No one else gets those quiet, middle of the night nursings. Yes, you may be exhausted and wish your baby would just sleep, but you're the only one who can bond with them this way, and you're the one they need. That is a wonderful reality, despite the nagging exhaustion.

And, you get to be there are they grow up and experience new things. No one gets to experience them quite the same way a mother does. You & that child have a bond that begins 9 months before they bonded with any other human being in their life. The relationship you have with your child will be totally different then any relationship they have with their Father, with their siblings or with their friends. You really did love them first, and they loved you first. 

So, remember that you really are privileged as a Mother. Yes, even when your child climbs into your bed or wakes you with their cries in the middle of the night. Yes, even when they throw a tantrum in the middle of Wal-Mart (sorry Mom). Yes, even when they make you want to pull your hair out as a crazy teenager. 

You are privileged, even then.

Emily xo

The Privilege of Womanhood-Girls & Friends

If you are anything like me, then the thought of girlfriends as a privilege of your womanhood may seem like a stretch. Most of my life, growing up in my small town, I found friendships with other girls to be very overrated! My younger sister, Laura, who just began grade 11, is now taking up her cross & climbing a similar mountain. Her closest friends, at the moment, are boys.

The reality is, girls can be mean. The can be spiteful, cruel and the worst bullies of all. Because, what they say, "sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...well, it isn't true. The most pain I have ever experienced in my life was at the evil hand of words and rumors spoken by girls.

Here is the thing though, having girlfriends can be the greatest gift. It has taken me years to understand and experience that, but it's true. Troy and I have been dating for 4 1/2 years. He is my best friend. But, I have realized that he will never take the place of girlfriends, and placing that expectation on him is hard on our relationship.

Men & women are sooo different, but we both need community. We get companionship in our relationships with the opposite sex, but we need fellowship & community with our own gender. As we get older, and get busier or friendships tend to grow, end or change. But it is important to remember that having at least one or two girlfriends is an irreplaceable gift. They will be able to help, encourage, guide and teach you in a way that a husband, boyfriend or guy friend cannot. Not because of any fault of their own, but just simply because they are created differently then us.

I know as my Mom got older, got married, had babies and got so bust a lot of her friendships that she had when I was very young are more just casual acquaintances now. They share a past, but not a present. Now, my Mom's closest friends are her sisters (she has 3) and her brothers wives (there are 4). They live close to her, share her faith, and are at similar places in their lives. She doesn't go out with them a lot or anything, but they share phone calls and children play dates. I know if you asked her she would tell you that these relationships are key in her life. Not because she doesn't have a wonderful marriage and husband she can share anything with, she does...but sometimes you need to talk to a woman who understands, first hand, the trials of motherhood, and of being a wife. You need the advice and wisdom of other woman in terms of being a faithful woman of God. These are things your husband/boyfriend/guy friends can encourage, but not things they can truly understand, relate to or offer first hand advice about.

So, if you are in the midst of an awful high school experience, and have had your share of girl bullies...I understand. I promise, it will get better. Find good, like-minded girlfriends...your friendship with them will be irreplaceable, come whatever may.

For me, the greatest girlfriends I have are my sisters, and my 'sister' Cecile from my year I served on NET. They are people with whom I share the bond of my faith, and with whom I trust my heart. I am so thankful for them! I love Troy, and am thankful for him...but sometimes I need girl time. 

I think the key to finding a good girl friend is similar to that of finding a good man. You need to look for them in the right places...you will not finding lasting friendships in seedy bars. Look for female fellowship in Church groups. If you're a Mom, seek out Mom fellowship in playgroups or Mom support groups. Look for good friendships in places you feel the most at home, the most comfortable and the most fulfilled. And, of course, trust God to lead good, holy, wholesome, wonderful women in to your life. He will not fail. 

Part 3, The Privilege of Womanhood is about being a Mother. Stay tuned!

Emily xo 

The Privilege of Womanhood- All it's G{l}ory

If you are a woman, or know a woman, then you know that we are given lots of opportunity to complain & be pessimists about our "hood". In a single day we can be given upwards of 50 different things related to womanhood we dislike, are annoyed by or make us feel downright awful. But, I am here to tell you that womanhood, in all it's glory (or gory, haha) is a true, wonderful privilege & gift...even when it feels like a curse.

First of all, PMS... once a month we become a giant tumbleweed of raging emotions and, of course, we feel like crap, thanks to our little 'friend'. If you're anything like me then you become to resent your womanhood for at least a week every month. And, rightfully so. It is awful and miserable.

However, maybe there's another way to look at. I have always had very awful periods. Maybe that's too much information (sorry). I remember one time, years ago, I was home from school 'sick' and was lying on the couch, clutching a heating pad to my abdomen. I was feeling nauseous and miserable, and sorry for myself. I looked at my Mom and said, "At least one day I'll be able to have babies, right? That's the good part of feeling so awful every month."

Obviously, there is no guarantee of fertility, but knowing my body was working correctly was the best promise I had of fertility, and that was enough to get me through. I hold tight to that every time I am hit with a wave of period cramps, nausea, and emotional roller coasters.

I think that clinging to that hope, and potential of one day being a mother is the bright side to this misery of womanhood. My aunt is interning as a NFP Creighton Model practitioner. When she first started out she asked if I would like to take the program from her. I agreed, and am so thankful I did! I highly recommend looking into it. I makes you truly grateful of the gift of your womanhood. It is helpful in understanding how your body works, and why it is the way it is. Even if you are unmarried (me), and not sexually active (me) it is most certainly worth your while!

Part 2 of The Privilege of Womanhood is going to be about girlfriends...keep an eye out for that!

Mary, Mother of Jesus, pray for us!

Emily xo

The Flowers & the Bees

Today I wanted to just do a quick post to include this photo I took a few weeks back. I love sunflowers! They are second only to daisies, in my books. I was taking pictures of the ones at Troy's grandparent's home & I noticed this little fella!

I think it's so lovely to see God's creation in action. Hold onto these moments of summer & enjoy the blooming flowers in their last days...well, until next year anyway! It's a nice little reminder that when life is a mess, there truly is a message of love & life in the midst of it all.

Emily xo

My Dear Princess...

For years now I have been writing letters to my future husband...they are hidden away in a box, & written on lined paper, in a note book, scribbled on a scrap of baby, jotted down on a pink sticky note. I have always known one day I would get married & have a family. I know, in my heart, that that is what God has created me for, & I am always discerning life, & feel drawn back to that.

I cannot wait to be married to the man God created for me. For me. He created someone to be my companion, best friend, love and confident. Someone to love me like the Princess He created me to be.

But, today I realized something. Not only do I wait in hopefully anticipation of being married, but I also wait for the day I will (God willing) be blessed with the gift of Motherhood. What a lovely gift that would be! I was inspired to write (& share with you) a letter to my future daughter, if I have one.

My sweet, wee baby girl,

What a precious gift you are! That is my first prayer for you...that you will always know what a precious gift you are. I thank God for your life, & for every perfect piece of you. I pray you'll always know how dear you are to me, how much I love & adore you.
My darling, I promise to love you, unceasingly. Even, when I am tired, life fights to bring me down, I am angry and annoyed...I promise to love you. Please, forgive me for the times I don't show it, but please know I do love you, even then.
Dear little girl, my love is far from perfect. Only one, Holy & Almighty King can love you perfectly. Cling to that love when you feel the world is failing you. I pray you may, even in the darkest days, feel His great, abundant & everlasting love. Nothing you do, think or say can ever make that love falter. The love your father & I show you may sometimes fail you, because of our poor, sinful selves. But, the love of our God, it will be there, with open arms...every moment of every day. Know that, dear one.
As I write this, I am not even married yet. But, I know one thing for certain. The man who is your father will love & adore you. He will treasure you & you will be his Princess. He may not always know how to show you, but when he kisses your bo-bo, he is saying, "I love you, little one." When he reaches for my hand & kisses my lips in front of you he is showing you how love is supposed to look, and he is saying, "I adore you." When he holds you on his lap, showing you how to steer the truck, he is saying, "You are so beautiful, I love you, baby girl." When he changes the oil in your car, he is saying, "I love you." He is saying it the only way he knows how.
As time passes, you will grow. You will notice my teary eyes as I watch you reach milestone after milestone in you life. I am not crying because I am sad to see you grow, I am crying at how quickly time snatches away these moments. I will love watching you become the young lady God intended you to be, but I will be sad knowing soon you won't need me to hold your hand or tuck you in at night or read you stories. Time takes the moments too soon for my liking.
Baby, remember that I too am I daughter. I know what it's like, and I have been where you are. Even though you won't believe me, I truly do understand. If life has taught me anything it is this: you will always be a daughter. You will be our baby even when you have your own. And, you will always be the daughter of your Heavenly Father.
Not only will you always be a daughter, but you will always need your parents. No matter how old you are, or how much experience you've gained, there will always be comfort in calling your parents to ask them questions. Trust me, your grandparents can attest to this. If it wasn't for them I could not be here now. And, age is no factor in how often you will call upon your Father. Never underestimate the power of a prayer. He is always there, waiting to help you. You will always need Him. I promise you that.
So, sweet girl, please know your Momma loved you, even before you were a twinkle in her eye. You will be my whole world, and I will love every moment of getting to know you.
I adore you, Princess.
Love, your Momma

Catholic Canadian? Can I be Both?

I am a Canadian, and a Roman Catholic. I take pride in both of these facts, but have discovered that one, by far, outweighs the other when it comes to how I live my life & how I define myself. Sometimes I cannot be both a Canadian AND a Catholic.

           

What does it mean to be a Canadian Citizen?
According to the Canadian Government it means to have these values;
Equality, Respect for Cultural Differences, Freedom, Peace, Law & Order.

Does that not make this nation sound like some sort of Utopia? Yes, of course it does. That is why we are so multicultural (Google "what does it mean to be a Canadian"- you will find tons of articles headlining that we are multicultural).

Equality sounds lovely, doesn't it? In the Government article linked above it describes equality in this way;

We respect everyone's rights. Everyone has the right to speak out and express ideas that others might disagree with. Governments must treat everyone with equal dignity and respect- two other fundamental Canadian values. 

Perfect? Well, maybe not. Here is the thing-everyone is not equal. They should be, but they are not. This nation has taken equality to mean that every person should have the rights to live as the wish, not as they should. And, as a Roman Catholic, I often disagree with how they go about this.

For example- I believe that homosexuality is spiritually immoral. I believe it to be sinful, detrimental to society, a mental illness/imbalance. I believe homosexuality is wrong. Always.

Now, I believe people who are homosexual deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect as every other person on the planet, but I also believe that they are living lives of hardship, sin (if they are practicing their homosexuality), and lives that can, ultimately, destroy their souls.

I know it is my responsibility, as a Catholic, striving for Heaven, to help, guide, and encourage them on paths that will get them to Heaven (God willing). This means I still speak kind words, I still open doors for them. It means I visit with them and befriend them. It means I live my life in a way that exemplifies the teachings of the Catholic Church, in every aspect of my life. It means that I may never have to use words to tell them that the cross they've been given in life, like all our crosses, can lead them far from the gates of Heaven. It means my very life will, hopefully, be ministry enough to bring them home to our God.

As a Canadian, I am expected to smile & say, "good for them!" as Pride Parades sweep our nation every summer. It means I am not permitted to be uncomfortable by public displays of affection, involving two people of the same gender (even if I would be repulsed by the same display between a man & a woman). It means I cannot say that I believe homosexuality is a temptation, a cross, or a sin.

As a Canadian, I am expected to take the meaning of "equality" as everyone is the same, and others may live their lives as the wish- be it as homosexuals, pro-abortionist, those engaging in pre/post-marital sex...the list goes on.

As a Catholic, I believe everyone person is given crosses to bear in life. We struggle with different temptations for sin, and battle interior battles often. Homosexuality is one of those crosses. It is a temptation. I acknowledge that. I am always amazed when I hear stories of men & women who struggle with homosexuality, and are able to choose lives of chastity and purity. What a challenge that must be! See, homosexuals are called to lives of purity & chastity, the same as every other single person, dating, engaged and married couple are (here for more information). To not live in that way is a sin. No ifs, ands or buts.

As a Catholic I know that equality means treating everyone as my brother & sister, and loving them, despite their imperfections. I know it means encouraging & helping others out of their temptations for sin & into lives of fulfillment and faith. It means leaning on my brothers & sisters in Christ when I am weak & struggling with my own crosses.It does not mean applauding behavior that is morally detrimental, but rather calling people out of that and into lives where they can be truly happy.

As a traditionally Christian nation, I understand what the Canadian government is striving for. They have taken good, solid Christian values into account when building up this country but they are misinformed on how to properly execute their implementation into our Provinces and Territories. We have taken everything to an extreme to avoid stepping on anyone's toes or insulting anyone. Those are good intentions. However, they have forgotten to take into account that maybe not all behaviors, ways of life, procedures and ideas are appropriate, life-giving, fulfilling and good. Every good society needs restrictions, guide lines and rules. We are imperfect humans, all of us, and we cannot live without rules of some kind. So, where does this "to each his own" mentality draw it's line? It seems very blurry to me...

-Emily xo

A Legacy of Faith

On Saturday August 10th my Aunt & Uncle welcomed their first little baby into the world. It was an exciting day for my family, and we cannot wait to meet sweet, little Maria.

She is being baptized at their Parish, about 2 hours from here, on Sunday afternoon. We are anxiously awaiting the day she will be welcomed into the loving home of the Catholic Church, and they day we will all get to lay eyes on her for the first time.

I wanted to take a moment, not only to welcome little Maria into the world, and into the Catholic Church (on Sunday), but to touch on the beautiful gift of new life...and large families. I wrote 2 articles, here & here, back in June about the gift of large families, and the criticism they often face. Today, I want to explain to you about my family.

Both of my parents are one of eight children. My Mom is one of the older ones in her family, and my Dad one of the younger in his. Mom's family is with whom I spent/spend most of my time. I am close with them in proximity (for the most part) and in relationship.

My grandparent, Mom's parents, have one of the most beautiful relationships I have ever seen. When I was in high school we had a fire at our home, and my entire family stayed at my grandparent's house for a few weeks before Christmas. It was then, when I was living under their roof, that I truly got to see their relationship in action. They are so genuinely kind to one another, all the time. But, more then that, they have a faith that has withstood many, many trials and temptations. They still pray together, every single day. That is what has made their relationship so incredibly strong, and what created the pillar that their wonderful family is built on.

This November my grandparents will be married for 50 years...in that time the have purchased and built up an extremely successful family dairy farm. They have raised a house full of wonderful, solid children who love and respect them. They have experienced death, and the lose of close family. They walked their daughters down the aisle, one at a time. They watched as their sons found beautiful wives, and promised to love them forever. The saw their family "go forth and multiple" {Gen.9:7} as their first grandchild (me) was born 21 years ago. They have experienced sorrow as they tore down the house they raised their family in, for safety reasons. They have watched in vain as the farm they worked so hard to create, was reduced to a flaming pile of rubble. They began from scratch, rebuilding a farm and a legacy of hard work & dedication. They stood by and supported their children as difficult decisions were made. They stood by at endless baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, graduations and sporting events, as they watched their children, and then grandchildren grow. And, this September they will welcome their 33 grand child into the world.

In 50 years they have supported, raised, loved, forgave, taught, nursed, cared for, and prayed for, not only one another, but for 8 children, 8 children-in-law, & 33 grandchildren. God willing, they will still be here to see their great grandchildren as well. I would love for my children to one day have the honour of knowing them.

I think my grandparents are too humble to know the legacy they are leaving behind on this Earth. Because of them, their love, generosity, kindness & faith will long outlive them.

Thank you, Nanna & Poppa, for this wonderful gift. I love you!

Emily xo