A Butterfly's Perspective

Today I read something on Pinterest that said that butterflies can't see their own wings, so they don't know how beautiful they are. It said that the same is true for people. What an interesting comparison, I thought.

And, how totally true.

I am a young woman and I struggle with body image and loving myself. If you asked me to name a good thing, physical or otherwise, about myself I am not sure I could come up with something. If you asked me the same about a perfect stranger or my best friend I could come up with a list that was a mile long.

Maybe if butterflies had feelings they'd be thinking the same way.

This is a little thought that I am going to tuck away in that special place in my heart that holds the things I need to be constantly reminding myself of. I am beautiful & worthy & all things wonderful, even if I can't see it. And, I need to trust others when they can notice it because they have the unique, wonderful outside perspective that shows all our beauty.

You are beautiful, and know that someone always loves you.

-Emily xo

Novena to Saint Maria

In nine days we will be celebrating the feast day of Saint Maria Goretti. She is a saint whom I have held near and dear to my heart for many years, and pray to often. I previously posted an article about her life that I have linked below for you to check out if you don't know about her.

Anyway, seeing as there are nine days until her feast day, July 6th, I wanted to do a post about beginning a novena to her. This novena will be said once a day from now until her feast day. The last day will be July 6th. I was thinking it should be offered for purity, in ourselves, but especially among young people.

If you wish to pray the novena, here it is.

Novena to Saint Maria Goretti

Saint Maria Goretti, strengthened by God' grace, you did not hesitate, even at the age of eleven, to sacrifice life itself to defend your virginal purity. Look graciously on the unhappy human race that has strayed far from the path of eternal salvation. Teach us all, and especially our youth, the courage and promptness that will help us avoid anything that could offend Jesus. Obtain for me a great horror of sin, so that I may live a holy life on earth and win eternal glory in Heaven. Please intercede for me in obtaining the favour I now ask.

Amen.

(Mention your request)

Recite one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be

Link to previous post about St. Maria here.

Link to another article about St. Maria, and where I got this novena from here.

-Emily xo

Quote of the Day

-Emily xo

Happy Graduation Day!

On Friday, my sweet little sister graduated from Elementary school...I cannot believe she's finished grade 8, and next year will be entering the scary, ruthless world of high school. She grew up too fast, and time passed too quickly.

She received a lovely award that credited her with a successful time at the small, rural school she's wrapped up at. She looked so beautiful and smiled so wide. But, I am sure beneath that glowing grin there was a tiny bit of heartbreak as she recognized the sadness that accompanies the good bye to a 9 year friendship, with the school, staff, and students that are headed a different way next year. There was probably a reasonable amount of panic as she madly planned how she will spend every possible moment making this summer the most memorable yet. And, there was also some strange mixture of excitement and fear that can only accompany the knowledge that two months from now she will be entering an entirely new stage in life.

If you too are graduating then I wish you a thousand congratulations and many blessings. Keep the above quote close to your heart, every day, and remember that doing what is right is the most challenging and the most worthwhile thing you can do. If I could give my little sister one piece of advice, this is what it would be. Standing up for what we believe in, as Catholics and as children of a merciful & loving God, is especially challenging in a high school environment. I hope this inspires you!

Congratulations, baby!

-Emily xo

The Best Place to Fight

Last summer I got my first fishing licence. I have fished before, and where I live, you can fish without a licence until you are 18. But, last summer was the first time I bothered getting one. It had been years since I had been out fishing, and I am totally a water baby, so I couldn't wait to get out.

If I am being totally honest though, the main reason I got one was for my boyfriend. He loves fishing, and wanted to take me. Had it not been for him, I probably wouldn't have gotten out.

So I bought the licence and it arrived in the mail with my Outdoors card a few weeks later, and we went fishing to a small lake near my boyfriend's home. All seemed well and good until we got out on the water.

We started to fight. Over every stupid little thing. And, soon this turned into a pattern every time we went out. By the end of the summer I was fed up and about ready to swear off fishing. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why we could get along fine when we were on land together for hours, but put us in a boat with some fishing rods and we are at each other's throats.

We are both stubborn to a fault, but I was so sick of fighting. And, as this summer approached the memories of fighting while fishing were still fresh in my mind. I was annoyed, but stubborn as ever, and I renewed my fishing licence. I decided we were not going to repeat history, however, and I became determined to be a perfect fishing companion, and not stir the waters, so to speak. I also became determined to figure out why we were fighting.

So I began to think...

When I get angry, annoyed or fed up everyone knows about it. Sometimes, I am ashamed to admit, it is because I throw a fit. But, usually it's because I walk away and throw myself a wee pity party alone somewhere. Pathetic, I know. I am terribly at actually dealing with the situation at hand, and speaking to whoever I am angry with about why I feel the way I do. And, my boyfriend is the same way.

This is the conclusion I drew about fighting and fishing: It is not that we cannot get along it is that when an issue arises we are so used to walking away from the problem that we don't know how to deal with it when we have to stay together. So, we fight and say mean things and get angry because we don't know what else to do.

Maybe fighting in a boat is actually the best place, because there is no escape. We have to sit there and talk it through. This summer is going to be a good one, fishing and all. We are going to learn how to deal with arguments and not walk away, and we are going to grow because of it.

Maybe you should try it too :)

Emily xo

Painting your Eyes

The other day I called home while I was at work. My sister answered the phone, and I said, "What's up?"

An innocent question, no?

Her response went something like this... "Wellllll, Tessa found Mom's lipstick, and she put it on her eyes. Mom and Katie have tried everything to get it off, but it is still on there."

Okay, this is fairly hilarious. But, there are a couple things that make it even more funny. First of all, I don't think I have ever seen my Mother wear lipstick, so I have no idea where Tessa found it. I mean, she is 2 and a half, and if you have any experience with 2 1/2 year olds then you know that they find things you didn't even know you had, and they are always things you don't want them to get their hands on. But I will admit, I am curious as to not only where in the world this lipstick came from, but as to how the heck old it is!

The second thing is that, although I am sure my Mom and sister were alarmed to find she had 'painted her eyes', as she says, they had the piece of mind to take pictures. I am so, so thankful for cameras, and camera phones at this moment. I am even more thankful that Katie and Mom took pictures, because now, as long as she lives, we have proof of this moment. Will this not be fabulous to show future boyfriends? I cannot wait.

Hahaha...I hope this makes you smile.

-Emily xo

Quote of the Day: Laughter

Today, I hope you find a thousand reasons to laugh!

"It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either."

-Wayne Dyer

Blessings,

Emily xo

So Long, Facebook

I deleted my Facebook account. Yup. A few weeks ago.

Annnnd...literally within minutes people asked me where I had gone, as if my not having Facebook was the equivalent of me actually dying. Sigh. Social media. Anyway, I wanted to talk a little bit about why I deleted my Facebook, because if truth be told, I love Facebook. I am nosy. I will just go ahead and admit that.

This is not the first time I have deactivated my account. In fact, when I served my year on NET one of the things they requested is that we not have Facebook. That whole year my account was down, and I missed it and activated it as soon as I got home. Can you say addict?

I have also deactivated it for Lent, two different years I think. Which was so hard and a huge sacrifice for me. And, I also deactivated it once like a year ago. That was when, as I mentioned in a previous post, I spoke out about gay marriage and everyone went absolutely nuts on Facebook. That deactivation was so I would quit getting notifications for a bit. I was literally getting about 25 a minute of people responding (negatively) to what I had posted. That time it was just maybe for a day.

There are two main reasons I deleted Facebook this time. One is nosiness and jealousy and two is self-control.

Let's talk jealousy for a moment, shall we? As I said, I am nosy. I like to know what everyone else is doing, and what their life is like. Facebook is literally perfect for this. Nosiness is not something I like about myself, but for the most part is seemed harmless. I told myself I was just keeping up with my friends and what not, but that was a lie. What I was really doing was hurting my heart, soul and relationships.

I would see posts on Facebook about my friend's lives and I would long for that. People post only things they want people to know about on Facebook. That is the reality. People's lives aren't actually how they are portrayed on Facebook. But, when I saw posts of friend's massive homes, or their 'perfect' boyfriend who brings them flowers everyday, or of their fairytale weddings that they can afford when they are 20 or their trip to Europe where they were on a beach in a bikini without a single fat role, I was comparing myself and my life.

I convinced myself I wasn't jealous exactly and that I was just admiring. But that was a lie too. I was comparing everything and I hated myself and my life because it didn't seem as glamorous or perfect as my family and friends.

One night I was lying on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I was literally at the point where I despised the way I looked, was angry at my boyfriend because we can't afford the wedding we feel we need to have right now. I was so pissed off at myself and at God because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I felt I had to have a career. Of course there were and are other factors in the way I was feeling, but when I really thought about it a lot of it stemmed from one thing. Facebook. I marched myself down the stairs to the computer and promptly deactivated my account. I immediately regretted it, but held firm in my decision, telling myself I just need to see how it went.

It felt totally liberating. I am not saying I hate Facebook, or that the way I responded to it will be the same for everyone. I am just telling you that it was what I needed right then. Someday I may have Facebook again, because it really is good for keeping in touch. But, I need to grow a little before I can do that, and I need to find confidence in me and my life. I need to be at peace.

The second reason kind of ties into the last part of the first. Self-control. About 2 months ago I quit eating sugar. Partly to be more healthy, but mostly because it as an exercise in self-control and I needed to know that I could do it. So, getting rid of Facebook is kind of the same thing for me. It is just knowing that I can get rid of it and live without it. That, in and of itself, is so liberating!

I truly believe that if we can discipline ourselves in the small things it makes saying 'no' to the bigger things easier. We increase our self-control in all things when we start with the baby steps. That is what deleting Facebook was for me, a baby step.

I stumbled across this blog post after I deleted Facebook. It's neat take on quitting Facebook also, so check it out.

So long, Facebook!

-Emily xo

Large Family Don't Care-Part 2

As promised, here is part two.

This post will focus on the benefits of a large family, and why they are important, not only to the members of the family, but to society as a whole.

1. Being part of a large family never allows for boredom. There is always something to be done. And, if you do have a moment of down time then there are things you truly want to do...like read a good book, watch a show, write a letter, surf the internet. And, you really enjoy whatever you are doing during that downtime.

2. I am never lonely. There is always someone to talk to or hang out with. And, on the very rare occasion there isn't then you embrace the peacefulness of the moment!

3. Someone always has your back. Just last week my sister told me that our brother stood up to a young man that said some very rude things to her. He has her back. It's like having built in body guards.

4. Outfit opportunities are endless. Boys may not appreciate this, but girls sure do! When you have sisters who are close to your size you can share clothes and shoes and it's great!

5. You have a built in, brutally honest opinion panel. Siblings don't tend to sugar coat things. If you want to know how an outfits looks and get a 100% honest answer, ask the 10 year old boy.

6. It is fabulous relationship discernment. When I began dating my boyfriend I wanted someone who would not only love me, but my family. Someone who understood dating with purpose (meaning, discernment of marriage) and who was good with children. A man who was faithful and not afraid to pray. Having a large family allowed for me to see how wonderful he is with children, and how he was not afraid to pray the rosary with my family after dinner when he was over.

7. Large families help you learn about life. Having the 'talk' isn't nearly as bad when you can look around and see the product of it (meaning children). It helps you be better able to embrace the fact that sex is a beautiful thing and nothing to be ashamed of. And, it helps you understand why it belongs only within a marriage.
Bonding and babies people! Bonding and Babies!

8. You have built in friends who cannot abandon you, even if they want to! Muhahahha! Seriously though, I remember going through losing friends and growing apart from friends. It is hard and it stinks. But, knowing I had my sisters at home who would never do that to me was a huge source of comfort.

9. You learn and understand about the opposite sex. Having brothers is fantastic. Because, I am able to understand how their minds work, how to best relate to them, and what they enjoy. This is something I can apply in every aspect of my life when I encounter males in the workplace, school, etc.

10. I never have to question love. I know what love is because I see it active and alive in my parents and siblings. I know what a marriage is supposed to look like, and I know how to love those around me, even when I hate them.
This is the greatest gift.

Go have yourself some big families!!

-Emily xox

Large Family Don't Care- Part 1

When I was in grade nine my Mom told us that she was expecting her 8th child. I rememeber being over the moon excited for this little one, until one day someone said something that totally crushed my spirits.

My Mom had given up permission to finally tell our friends and classmates. One of my peers, whose locker was near mine, overheard me telling another one of my friends the big news. She turned to face me and said one word that nearly made me want to hit her.

"Why?"

My stomach dropped. This girl (who was an only child, by the way) had never met any other member of my family. She didn't know anything about us and here she was, passing judgement because of my number of siblings. A baby should be a source of joy. Always. But, this young lady could not see how having another child in our home would be anything but a burden. 

I think why this moment sticks out in my memory so much is that is was the first time I had experienced any reaction, other then joy, when I spoke about my siblings. Since then I have heard it all. But, when I was 14, this was all new to me. It shocked and appalled me. It still does, actually. 

I am going to do a 2-part post about this. This is part one, and I am going to tell you things I have heard from people when they ask how many siblings I have, and why it angers me. Part 2 will focus on why a big family isn't burdensome or awful, and my opinion on all of this. Keep in mind, I live in a very small town, so I am sure what people have said to me is fairly mild compared to what I would hear in a larger centre. Also keep in mind I am a Catholic, and large families are not uncommon, especially in the Catholic community where I live. 

Here we go... 

-please note the sarcasm in the responses-

"Do your parent's  not own a TV?"

- Okay, yes as a matter of fact we do have a TV. However, what does this matter? Are you saying my parent's should watch TV instead of procreating? Yes? Ok, well let me put it this way...I am pretty darn sure that if more married couples used sex for 'bonding and babies' then divorce would be decreasing like crazy! 

TV is not a replacement for sex. My parent's are not having sex and making me more siblings because they are bored and don't want to watch TV it is because the genuinely love one another, and our family.

Grrrr....

"Have they never heard of birth control?"

-Birth control? What is that?

Seriously, of course they have heard of birth control.... I am pretty sure if you asked a kindergarten class that they would say they'd heard of it. How could you not?

But, I think what you really mean is do they use birth control. And, that answer is no. Of course not. Neither would you if you did any amount of serious research on it. They do however use NFP. Which, by the way, is 95-99% effective, depending on the method you choose to use. And, they do not pump you full of nasty hormones and unnatural ingredients or objects. 

"Is your Mom pregnant again yet?"

-Actually no, sorry to disappoint. She and my father have actually decided to stop having children because of you response when she is pregnant. But, I will tell her you were asking in case this means you'd actually give your approval of her having another baby.

"Why would you want your Mom to have more children?"

Silly. I clearly want more children because I love never having my own room. Or, even my own bed. And, I love having to fight over who uses to car. Oh, did I mention I love having built in clothes thieves? 

Seriously though, how many children my parent's have is not actually up to me (and it's for sure not up to you). If I didn't want more siblings (which I do, by the way) that really doesn't matter. This decision belongs to my parents.

And, if you have ever had siblings then you know that they come with trials and hardships...but they also come with irreplaceable blessings. For example, I am never, ever lonely. Or bored. My sister has a massive closet, and I have access to outfits I wouldn't otherwise own. I get more opinions on everything I do then I know what to do with. I could look at that as a burden, or a blessing. But, it is nice to know someone (or 10 someones) is always looking out for my best interests. 

I could go on and on.

But mostly, I just love babies:)

I have heard many, many more things.... but here is just a taste of what I have been exposed to. Of course there have been tons of wonderful, happy responses and for those I am thankful. But, what stands out more are the ones that hurt my heart. I also figured they were worth mentioning because maybe some of you have been on the delivering end of comments like these, and maybe now you can appreciate how it feels from here on the receiving end.

So, embrace large families. I mean, after all, they are creating your future.

-Emily xo

Quote of the Day- Don't Take Life too Seriously

Today, remember it's so important to live fully in every moment we are given. Life is not always beautiful, but make the most of the dreariness. Have fun...don't forget to have fun.

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

-Ron White

Heehee! Enjoy your day, ladies and gentlemen!

-Emily xo

My Unbelief

I don't remember where I first heard this but I do know it is one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received.

Someone once told me that sometimes, when it gets too hard to offer a prayer, and when we cannot feel God's love, that is okay. This was something I couldn't understand...but what they said next struck me.

In that moment, when we feel so far from God, the most important prayer to pray is this,

"Lord, help my unbelief."

Sometimes it is so hard to see God working in our life and Satan works in that. Dry spells of faith are not abnormal. Heck, Blessed Mother Teresa went through dry spells of faith all the time! If she went through them then of course we will too! But, we have to remember that that does not mean God is not there or that He has abandoned us. However, unbelief is tempting in that moment. That is when this simple prayer comes into play.

"Lord, help my unbelief."

In those four words we surrender ourselves to our King and humble ourselves before Him. We invite Him into that darkness to spread faith once again. Remember, He is a gentleman. He needs to be asked in, he will not barge through the doors of our hearts if we close them with unbelief.

Let us all make this our prayer today. Jesus, please help the little bits of unbelief that are in all of us! Amen.

Prayers,

Emily xo

The Power of a Prayer

A few years ago I remember I was going through a really trying time in my life. There wasn't anything specifically wrong, but I just felt frustrated in myself and in my relationship with God. And, I was just so confused.

I have always believed that God has a plan for each of us, and that that plan is older then time. God knows what he created us for. I grew up learning this from my parent's, at school and at Church and as I got older I believed it to be true from the experiences I had in my life. But, at this time in my life I felt very unsure of God's plan in my life, and very unsettled about where I was and what I was doing. I felt that maybe He had forgotten about me, and when I ran to Him in prayer that maybe He didn't hear me.

One night I got into a fight with my father. I have no idea what it was about, or how it began, but I know it was the angriest I had ever been at someone. I felt hurt and unloved by my earthly father, and fed up that me heavenly Father didn't seem to take notice of my sorrow. That night I somehow had the peace of mind to leave our home and go to the Church (my family had a key, so I was able to get in). When I reached the Church I remember going in, while wiping streams of tears from my cheeks, and literally collapsing in front of the Tabernacle and crying out to Jesus. I begged Him for answers and for direction, and for peace in my heart. I cried and cried, and eventually I felt like He was holding me, just for a moment, in His arms.

I felt comforted.

Things didn't take a miraculous turn after that, and I didn't suddenly know where I was supposed to be headed in life. But, for one moment I felt that I was not alone. In that desperate prayer God reminded me that He had never forsaken me. I had simply forgotten how to see Him. He took me in His arms that night, rested my head against His heart and showed me how to see Him again.

Today I want to remind you of the power of a prayer. No matter where you have been, where you are going or how lost you have gotten, He is there. Always and without fail, He is holding you. Take a deep breathe and ask God to help you and carry you and show you how to see Him again. He will answer you, in His time, but the answer will be there. He promises us that.

I am praying for you,

Emily xo

Quote of the Day- Seeking to do Good AND Happy Birthday, Marcus!!

"See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone."

-1 Thessalonians 5:15

A good reminder, but a difficult task! Join me in praying for strength to turn the other cheek.

Also, many, many birthday blessing to my dear friend and NET brother, Marcus. Happy Birthday!!

-Emily xo

Proms and Birthday at the Troutman House

In the last week my seventeen year old brother attended his senior prom, and my little sister celebrated her sweet sixteen.

I am feeling very old.

It's funny how time passes so quickly, and we forget to even notice. It seems like not long ago that my brother began kindergarten, and refused to draw a person, as the teacher requested. He drew a tiger. He's always had a mind of his own.

It seems like not many years ago we used to play 'motorcycles' by driving our bikes around the yard, and play British Bulldog on the lawn. He was often reduced to tears at the sound of my parent's calling us in at dusk for bedtime. And, not so long ago his dreams of a future included being a hockey player priest like Father Eve (a family friend).

It is crazy to me that he attended his senior prom in a sharp looking suit, and stood next to his date, in her stunning gown. I cannot believe he now towers over me, and can play volleyball better then anyone I know. It wasn't so long ago that he needed me to lift him up to reach something on the counter, or needed my help with something nearly every day.

I love my brother dearly, but time has passed far to quickly in our relationship. I am deathly afraid that I haven't made the most of every moment we have had together, and that one day he may not hold dear to the memories we could have had together.

As for my sister's sweet sixteen...I still remember finding her at the bottom of the stairs, where she'd emptied the entire contents of a cereal box. I can still picture her in the baby seat on the back of my Mom's bicycle when we went on long (or at least they seemed long) bike rides. I remember her and my brother having a rooster farm, and saving the mice we found in our chicken coop. She's always been a little tom boy...but she isn't any more. She is a gorgeous young lady. Gorgeous. I am so blessed to know her, and to call her my sister!

I hope I can treasure every moment I have with her so that we don't loose even one potential memory. I know I have failed in the past, and let moments pass by without really taking note. But, this is my commitment...not only in these relationships, but with every relationship: to always, always be truly present, and be constantly making memories.

Time passes far to fast, and we never know when it will pass us by. We need to make the most of every breath.

Here's to making memories! Many blessings,

Emily xo

Quote of the Day: Spreading the Word

"Find new ways to spread the word of God to every corner of the world."

-Pope Francis I

What a lovely reminder that as society changes and progresses (or, sometimes, regresses) so must our way of spreading the word of God around the world!

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving your Church a beautiful, wise, holy and humble man to lead us to a deeper, more profound relationship with you.

Many prayers,

Emily xo